10 tips for spotting an unfaithful partner

You might think you have a strong relationship, but what if you came home, sat down at the computer and discovered a suggestive email from your partner to a work colleague?

For most of us, the thought of our significant other cheating is the stuff of nightmares that we hope we never have to endure. But if Ashley Cole could cheat on Cheryl and Jude Law could forsake Sienna then is it really wise to be so complacent?

Indeed, a recent survey revealed that one in ten Britons would have an affair if they could get away with it. Of the 3,000 couples surveyed for Onepoll, 12 per cent claimed to have cheated on their spouse and a third admitted sleeping with someone else when in a previous relationship.

So if deceiving your partner is as commonplace as the statistics lead us to believe, how do know if it's happening to us?
There was the young lady who discovered her beloved had painstakingly photographed and then hidden away all her belongings so he could convince the girl he went on to cheat with that he was living the single life in his bachelor pad. He later used the photos on his phone to put everything back in its rightful place. Ingenious you might think, if he hadn’t forgotten to erase the pictures.

Then there was the girlfriend who overheard two gossips in a neighbouring toilet cubicle feverishly debating whether she had any idea her boyfriend was sleeping around. Ouch.

Not to forget the woman who returned home after a few days away to find the remnants of white wine when her partner only drank red. Her suspicions were then confirmed by the long auburn hairs scattered all over her bed linen.

Interestingly, in each case, before these philanderers were finally caught out, their behaviour was already viewed as suspect in some way by their better halves.

And while there’s no sure-fire way to catch a cheat (phone tapping or lie detector tests on the Jeremy Kyle show seems a little extreme), my research - in which I spoke to numerous women who learnt the hard way - did reveal a host of womaniser signs you can look out for.

1. Is there such a thing as a harmless flirt?

At some stage we’ve all had a friend who is clearly dating a bit of a sex pest. The boyfriend who you assume is totally into your lovely pal. That is until he stares into your eyes just a little bit too long as you engage in polite conversation, or finds it necessary to place his hands on your hips as he moves past you at the bar
Lo and behold this often ends up being the same cad who runs off with someone else or gets caught in a compromising position with his workmate. You can see it coming a mile off with your friend, but can you see when it’s happening to you?

There is no doubt that if your beloved is really into you then naturally he should spend the majority of his time eyeing YOU up - and not everyone else. Red-blooded males will always have a sneaky peek at the opposite sex but if your chap is leering at every woman he sees (including a passing nun flashing a bit of ankle) then best be on your guard.

2. He can't go anywhere without his phone

Modern technology dictates that it has never been easier to play away. With multiple email addresses, mobile phones, instant messenger, Twitter and Facebook, technology has created a cheater's paradise. So if he never lets his phone out of his sight or keeps it on silent, quickly clicks on to a different webpage when you approach or hurries off for mumbled phone calls then it could be he has something to hide. As one case study points out: "I had a cheating boyfriend who took his phone to the loo and when he was running a bath.” If he has nothing to hide, then why all the secrecy?

He’s had a man makeover

Most of us let our standards slip a little when we're settled in a relationship. Suddenly our underwear doesn't match, we don't plaster on the make-up as much and can't be bothered to shave our legs.

It's the same for our boyfriends - the stubble grows, shirts go un-ironed and moobs start to flourish.

"You know he's probably cheating when he suddenly turns from the tramp you've come to know and love into the man you first met," explains one wronged woman. "Working out, paying attention to his hair and making sure he smells good by covering himself top to toe in aftershave." So if, out of the blue, he starts making a special effort, you have to wonder

4. He’s acting shady

Some people are very good at lying, but luckily for us, other folk are appalling. So keep your eye out for suspect body language that gives away the fact he’s fibbing.

Classic signs of lying include covering his mouth when he's speaking, rubbing or scratching his nose as well as an inability to look you in the eye.

5. He's constantly AWOL

It's no easy feat juggling two relationships at once, so it will come as no surprise that a love cheat is often a late cheat.

If he's suddenly got into the habit of not answering the phone or being vague about where he's been then you’re entitled to think it’s a little iffy. As a woman scorned reveals: “My boyfriend was never a great time keeper but suddenly ‘I'll be half an hour’ would mean him turning up three hours later.”

If he can’t tell you what’s keeping him then you can’t be sure he’s all yours.

6. He’s suddenly very keen on housework

There was a time when it took a stand up row to get him to push the Hoover round. Likewise changing the bed sheets any less than once a month was viewed as an extravagance.

So why has he helpfully changed the bed linen midweek? And what prompted him to stick his shirt in the washing machine rather than discard it on the floor?

Have his hygiene standards really changed overnight or do you smell a rat? A perfume wearing, hair moulting rat...

7. He’s all over you

Before an affair a love cheat may have struggled to be civil to his girlfriend. But guilt can do strange things to a man and may even prompt him to become extremely over-attentive. Likewise, a sudden wave of floral fancies could seem shifty if previously flowers from him were as rare as a four leafed clover.

As another case study will corroborate: "My unfaithful ex started buying me flowers for no reason - except to ease his conscience." Could it be that his affections also lie elsewhere?

8. He’s keeping you at arm’s length
While some cheating chaps will kill their unwitting partners with kindness, others will become very distant and standoffish.

He may look physically repulsed by the prospect of going to bed together and become easily irritated by the slightest thing you do.

As another woman in the know reveals: "My cheating ex started overreacting to simple questions like, ‘Did you have fun last night?' with responses such as, ‘For God's sake why are you always checking up on me?’"

Are you a source of unrelenting irritation because you’re just not her?
9. He’s making other people feel awkward

Cheaters sometimes feel the need to purge their sins by sharing their dirty little secret with their nearest and dearest. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the recipient of their confession feels comfortable with the revelation.

“When my boyfriend was playing away I noticed that his parents were being friendly but in a really shifty way because they knew and felt awkward,” explains another cheated lady. “I also picked up on the fact he suddenly didn't want me to see his friends.”

He might be able to keep up the perfect poker face but will his mates crumble?

10. Sometimes there are no signs

Occasionally you meet a real master of deception, a pathological liar who hoodwinks everyone, but by the same token there are plenty of men (and women) who wouldn’t dream of cheating.

As one man says: “In long-term relationships everyone has their moments and opportunities to play away, but, what separates us from animals, is that we are born with an emotional capacity to make judgements rather than just acting on instinct.

“Yes, we still have the possibility to be unfaithful, but in the long term it’s actually more rewarding and fruitful to be monogamous. You realise you are creating something great together – far greater than you would achieve being on your own or by slyly playing the field.”

So if there are no signs he’s cheating then he probably wouldn’t dream of it. Hurrah

when does jealousy spell trouble

Jealousy , for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at the one thing that holds it together: Trust. To tell your girlfriend or wife that she cannot have lunch with a male co-worker is to tell her that you don't trust her (unless she has really given you reason not to). If you have to impose so many restrictions, should you two even be together?

Jealousy also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to numerous fights whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.

Furthermore, you end up spending the bulk of your day foolishly thinking up scenarios in which he or she may cheat on you. Before you know it, the greater part of your relationship will be spent on what could be happening rather than what is happening.

Jealousy will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if yours is reaching dangerously high levels, it's time to get help as soon as possible.
learn to control yourself
Here are five ways to get a grip on your Jealousy before you lose control and do something you may later regret:

1- Learn from past experiences
Look at how your behavior affected past relationships and use that to help you behave better. You may soon discover that these tantrums are the cause of your troubled love life. Realize that getting upset with her for no reason won't help your situation.

2- Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person she really is.

3- Respect yourself
Realize that he or she chose you for a reason and there is no need for them to be so easily tempted elsewhere. Remind yourself that you're every bit as deserving as those guys you feel threatened by.

4- Get a third party's opinion
Ask a friend to take note of your behavior around your girlfriend. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions (as well as hers) by getting a neutral party's perspective.

5- Set some rules early on
Try establishing some general guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable for you. This way, you'll both have justification for outbursts when either of you is behaving improperly.don't overreact
It's okay to feel jealous, as long as you can contain and channel it in a positive manner. Keep in mind that having other guys flirt with your girlfriend is normal; just consider it as flattery on both your parts. As long as she looks but doesn't touch, what's the big deal?

Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy yours. More importantly, show the lady the same respect you would want her to show you. If you can do as you please, then so can she.


don't overreact
It's okay to feel jealous, as long as you can contain and channel it in a positive manner. Keep in mind that having other guys flirt with your girlfriend is normal; just consider it as flattery on both your parts. As long as she looks but doesn't touch, what's the big deal?

Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy yours. More importantly, show the lady the same respect you would want her to show you. If you can do as you please, then so can she.

As Barack Obama wins the Nobel peace prize, ways to live peacefully

It takes 2 to argue. If we can learn the right humble response to all the provocation, we should live peacefully.
ANGER is one letter away from DANGER. We need to take the knowledge of rising anger as a danger signal. We’re gonna get into danger if we stay in this direction and let anger run its course.

Dangers we should look out for

1) Being High Minded
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

You will not get along with others if you have an inflated opinion of yourself. If you see yourself as above them, it’ll cause you to talk down to them. It's pretty easy to spot as well.
After baring your soul to someone, telling someone how you’ve stumbled or what you’re struggling with, the last thing you want to hear are things like “I knew you would get yourself into trouble”, “I told you so”. That’s just being high minded. Respond with an attitude of humility even though you may be fuming inwardly, try to resist uttering words along the lines "what were you thinking?!!"

I know I can certainly do better in this area. Your intentions though good can actually come across as something totally opposite! Coming to someone with a self righteous and high minded attitude is hardly ever effective. Joyce Meyer has talked about how being Mr Perfecto will cause people to switch off. I can certainly concur with this, the last thing I want to hear when I have screwed up is how differently you would have done it.
You're not always right, he's not always wrong
This is one of the staples in every relationship. Talk to a bunch of couples, and you'll hear him talk about how she thinks she's always right, and her talk about how he's always wrong. And I'll grant you this much: we're usually wrong. But keep an open mind. Every now and then, we do get it right. And we'd like to win arguments some of the time-especially when we're on the right side.

Focus on the big stuff

As much as those little errors of our ways might irk you, look at the bigger picture. Is it really that big a deal? If it isn't, consider letting it slide. Guys are perfectly okay with thrashing it out about the bigger stuff, but not built to notice those tiny things like women.

You've got your feelings, he's got his ego

A good friend of mine once told me that both sexes have something that's easily bruised. Women have their feelings and men have their egos. Tread with caution when around either. Bruise a woman's feelings and she's likely to hurt. Similarly with a man's ego, it's what sustains him in this dog-eat-dog world we live in. So women, important lesson in keeping the peace: a man's ego is a risky thing to hit at.

Lose the subtlety

If you're trying to write a murder mystery, subtlety is good. If you're trying to tell a man what you want, leave the subtlety out. Traditionally, we have never done well with hints, so, oxymoronic as it may be, the direct hint is the way to go.*

When all else fails, there are some tried and tested cures. I'd suggest one of the two things. Either you focus his attention on a third party the both of you share hatred for-a good example is any cricket team other than ours-or just show him some love. Works every time.

Ok to leave peacefully it's important that individually we should have inner peace and after extensive research this is what we need to have within;

1.Do not compare yourself with others: Your life is your own. Your likes and dislikes, tastes, expectations and standards are your own. Your neighbor or your colleague need not be a benchmark for you to compare yourself or compete with. Their level of education, financial status, social status or spending pattern need not be yours. If at all you have to compare, compare yourself with those who are less privileged than you; those whose lives are more peaceful and less complicated than yours.

2.Do not aspire to make other's dreams your reality: Your father's unfulfilled dream of becoming a doctor need not be your dream. Your mother's dream of becoming a successful dancer need not be yours - unless and until, you, on your own - think the same way.

3.Have a clear-cut self-judgment about your true capabilities, strengths and limitations: You might possess excellent soccer skills within your local league. But it need not mean you are competent enough to play for the national team. Compare yourself with better players and make a sincere judgment: ‘Do I really play or am I capable of playing to that level? Do I have the physical, psychological and financial resources to make myself fit enough to come up to that level? Above all, is such a yearning worth the effort?'
Sheer positive thinking alone will not do wonders. In the scheme of nature, all are not endowed with same set of skills and resources. If you are capable of judging yourself correctly, you will be endowed with the peace of mind by not pursuing something beyond your reach.

4.Live within your means: This is time-tested age-old wisdom, which is unfortunately forgotten in today's credit card culture. What you buy using credit cards should be payable IN FULL by you when the bill arrives. If you get lured by the "Minimum Amount Due Now," it paves the way for accumulation of debt and consequently, loss of peace, sooner or later. If the object of desire can be purchased by you only through installment, DO NOT SUCCUMB to the temptation of purchase. By bringing in this self-control, you may lose short-term pleasures, but you will enjoy long-term peace.
Procurement of capital-intensive items like a flat/house should be strictly within your well-thought-out budgets, taking into account your repaying capacity under realistic situations and NOT based on your dreams of making a big fortune in your future endeavors!

5.Regularly save a percentage of your income: At any point in time, should you come across a bad patch in life like losing a job, or a loss in your business, etc., you should be in a position to pull along comfortably at least for a few months on the strength of your savings.

6.Never get addicted to anything: Be it alcohol, smoking, drugs, women, work, profession, money, fame or recognition. Moderation is the key to a peaceful life. Eat moderately. Sleep moderately. Work moderately. Have sex moderately. Do not stretch yourself beyond limits.

7.Run around less: Avoid unnecessary travel. Communicate better and more effectively through the various avenues and media so that personal face-to-face meetings by traveling long distances can be reduced. Delegate more. Remember that traveling long distances taxes your health by upsetting and altering your eating, drinking and sleeping rhythms, which in turn, affect your peace of mind.

8.Intentionally slow down: Don't hanker behind high targets and goals. Reduce your standards of expectation from others. If you are running, switch over to walking! Remember: You don't really have to prove anything about yourself to yourself! Perhaps you can be better off by extending the principle - you don't really have to prove anything about yourself to others, too, if you can!

9.Let wellness of your family take precedence over your profession: Remember: The fundamental needs of any human being is rather simple and basic: Good food, good clothing and a good shelter. Under shelter comes the family. When you have a good conjugal relationship, nice children, healthy food and the loving embrace of the beloved's hands when you are physically or mentally down, you have mostly got what is fundamentally essential for peace. Any other pursuit that goes against these and disturbs these fundamentals will only add to misery.

10.Avoid poking your nose into others' affairs unnecessarily: Extend a helping hand to others, within your capacity and limits, when help is sought from you. Do not overstretch yourself in helping others and get into trouble. Do not offer help with a mind calculating to get something in return in the future.

11.Be health-conscious, but don't make a fetish of your health: By eating in time, eating moderately, eating nutritious food and by exercising moderately, you will maintain your physical health and fitness. Do not read beyond rudimentary facts about various ailments, their symptoms and cure!

12.Live within the mortal framework generally acceptable in the society: Every new generation makes a compromise in moral standards of the previous generation and dilutes them to a lower level. Moral laxity is condusive for instant gratification and unbridled thrills but a sure ingredient for loss of peace. Sticking to moral standards set by morally sound elders of the previous generations will help you to lead a peaceful life.
13.Have faith in a Higher Power governing all: Have faith in God. People who are religious have been shown to be more peaceful

As David Letterman admits to infidelity, Is it difficult to be faithful?

Most people mention being faithful as one of the top three essentials in a successful relationship. But the fact is, people cheat.

Why affairs happen
There are as many reasons why people have affairs as there are people. But usually an affair is an external sign of an internal desire for change. Something in the person's life or the relationship isn't OK - and the affair creates the trigger for change.

Affairs aren't only about sex. In fact, relationship experts maintain that any intimate activity between two people that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair.


Is your relationship at risk?
Here are some common causes of affairs

Relationship problems - if you're unhappy in your relationship you'll be more tempted to look elsewhere.
Boredom - if you're bored with your life, an affair may seem like an adventure.
Low self-esteem - you may need reassurance that you're attractive and loveable.



Types of affairs
Although there are many reasons for affairs, most fall into one of four categories:

The boat-rocking affair - when one partner has an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open.

The exit affair - when an affair is used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn't working, an affair forces the issue.

The thrill affair - the illicit nature of an affair brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship, and it can seem irresistible.

The three's company affair - can go on for years; it can also describe a string of successive affairs. Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel stifled by monogamy and fear putting all their emotional eggs in one basket. Having a third person on the scene can provide an outlet for difficult emotions.

Tips to help avoid affairs
Be open - honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.
Be close - build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.
Be smart - don't slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation.
Be alert - if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.
Behave - if you'd describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don't want to get burned, don't play with fire.


When affairs are discovered
Whether the discovery of an affair is gradual or sudden, shock is the first emotion you're likely to experience.

When the shock wears off, you may be left with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and perhaps embarrassment, especially if you were the one being unfaithful.

Most people find themselves wondering how this could have happened and questioning whether there can be any future for their relationship.

Surviving the affair
Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it's something we often take for granted until it's gone. If you're the one that's had the affair, you'll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it's them you truly love and that you've learnt from your mistake.

If you're the one who's been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you'll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.

Trust only takes a moment to break, but much, much longer to rebuild. At first it may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience it may survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship - but it doesn't always signal the end.
Loyalty and faithfulness may sound like mundane, old fashioned concepts but research shows they are vital to emotional and physical health. Married people live longer, more productive, healthier and happier lives especially if their marriages are happy and monogamous.

People who are married and faithful in their relationship are at a huge advantage. Being in a good faithful relationship confers huge benefits on people.

A modern malaise: treating people as objects

In our throwaway society attitudes to material goods can filter through to how we view and act in relationships.

The thought that "this will do until something better/more exiting/younger comes along" is to treat a partner like a material object. Having your cake and eating it can be bad for everyone.

Instant excitement can make you and others unhappy in the long term

Paradoxically, seeking excitement through unfaithfulness as an attempt at securing happiness usually does just the opposite.

Having an affair may be symptomatic of wider problems within a marriage or relationship and may signal the end.

But if it's an addictive pattern and happens frequently even when everything is ok within the main relationship then it is even more destructive.

The grass always seems greener

Of course the grass is always greener on the other side (or at least so it seems) but to be constantly unfaithful to someone is to treat them with small regard and respect. Part of the addictive cycle of being unfaithful can be the 'buzz' of 'leading a double life', of the deceit, of the fact of 'having a secret.'

SDome confuse excitement with happiness. This is like mixing up the buzz you get from too much sugar with the long term benefits and nutrition and health you get from reliable regular and satisfying food.

How to resist the temptation to be unfaithful;
Agree upon trusting one another. Once you have taken your vows, believe that overt possessiveness is no longer a "cute" trait that your spouse appreciates - you have both taken vows to be faithful. Now it's time to believe in one another and trust your partner. Suspicion, and doubt don't cause a spouse to cheat, but if one spouse exhibits high degrees of any of these, it spells trouble for the relationship.Set reasonable boundaries and stay within them - this fosters trust, and the longer you each stay within the boundaries you have agreed on, the more "trust" you will build as time goes on.
Accept the fact that you are no longer single. No, you may not come and go as you please, no matter how much that may rankle. You have a responsibility to your spouse or partner now, and the sooner you accept it, the fewer fights and arguments you'll have. Acting as if you are free and accountable to no one will pretty much ensure that you will be again - soon. Instead, in keeping with the previous step, set some boundaries and abide by them. Examples:


When you go your separate ways for the day, agree when you will meet back at home, or wherever. If you agree upon 6pm, then be there at that time. If you realize you will be late, call as soon as you know - definitely do not leave your spouse wondering for more than 30 minutes - it worries him or her needlessly.
If it rubs you the wrong way to specify a time at which you will come home, you must remember this helps your spouse to keep the trust she or he may have in you.
Understand that your spouse is not attempting to put you on a leash. It's simply a matter of wanting to know when to begin worrying, and where to put the cops on the trail should you not arrive home when expected. If you didn't want to be cared about or be responsible to someone else, you should not have gotten married.
Don't stir up trouble where there isn't any. Doing things to see how your spouse will react is a bad idea. The problem is that it creates a climate of anxiety and turbulence, and it's controlling and manipulative. Don't pick fights just to see what s/he'll say or do.
Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. If you meet someone who comes on to you, don't panic, show no interest, tell them you're not interested, you're very happy and content with your wife/husband, he/she fills all your needs. Don't get yourself into any situation where even a whiff of adultery is near. Don't be alone with this person, and don't go out of your way to see him or her.
Take your spouse with you. If you know you'll be in a situation where you can't avoid this person, take your spouse along. Knowing your partner is watching will keep you in line, and hopefully will deter any questionable acts on the part of the other person.

Tell the other person you are not interested, period. Don't give a half-hearted, "Gee, I'm really attracted to you, but I'm married." This sends a wrong message - it says, "If only my stupid wife/husband weren't in the way, then you and I could hook up." Any sleaze who knows you're married and persists in coming on to you will not hesitate to run over your spouse if s/he thinks you're at all interested. Watch "Gone With the Wind" to see a perfect example of how a wishy-washy attempt to let a girl down easy ends up wasting years of her life. What matters is that you are married, and your commitment is to your partner or spouse. Put your foot down hard and walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope.

Leave the situation. It doesn't matter whether it's a job or a circle of friends. If you've tried your best to put the kibosh on this person's interest in you, and worse yet, if you return those feelings, you have to leave the situation immediately. Either request a transfer, request that the other person be transferred. Because it's endangering your marriage. Don't go moan and complain - remember, your goal is that 40th wedding anniversary, and beyond. No job, no chick or dude, no amount of ego boosting is worth destroying your chance at that.

Married? Wear your wedding ring at all times. You should never take it off no matter what,even if on your job they tell you to they can't force you to if you tell them it's against you religion(thats the law) This sends a clear signal to others (and reminds you) that you're "taken" and most people will know better than to trespass. But if they fail to heed the sign, show it to them and be sure they know it means you really are married and are not interested in flirting. At all.If they should persue you anyway that should tell you there not good to be around and all they are looking for is to break up your marriage, and they won't stay with you after anyway.

You may both see people who arouse your interest, in sexual ways. You may meet people who are attractive to you that you are tempted to just try one little kiss.

Don't fool yourself. One kiss leads to another, and before you know it, you're headed for divorce court or splitsville. You have an obligation to remove yourself from those situations when you can no longer control your - or their - responses to it. Remember 5 minutes of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of happiness especially when you can achieve the same thing with your spouse.

Watch the company you keep;

I guess this says it all really, if you surround yourself with friends who see nothing wrong with having flings. You will not only encourage suspicion, Birds of the same feather and all that, but you could begin to entertain the idea.

Don't put doubt in your spouses mind,that leads to insecured feelings and means trouble for you marriage. Remember your actions tells everything.Don't forget your spouse sees and notices if you stare at other women/men.
Don't get angry if you realize that someone else finds your spouse attractive. Take pleasure in the fact that she/he's coming home with you - not her/or him.
Remember that your behavior early on will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you set a tone of faith, trust and belief in one another, and give each other a real sense that your relationship is solid and unshakable, it will be a great comfort to you and help you through difficult times. If you prove yourself worthy of his/her trust today, in ten years when someone accuses you of something, she'll dismiss it, knowing that you would never betray her because of your history together.
On the other hand if you do things, or have done things,that you should not have done,you can't expect your spouse to trust you totally, cause you have put doubt in his/her mind and that has made him/her insecure.That means trouble in your marriage. The only way to correct that is to do everything you csn in your powers (meaning your actions) to show her that he/she can trust you.
If you have ever cheated or have commited any type of infidelity, you must find it in your heart to tell your spouse, or your marriage will end up in a divorce. It's better to take a chance and tell him/her (if he/she truely loves you, you will be able to work it out).That way if you truely love your spouse and want to spent the rest of your life with him/her you can wipe the slate clean try for a new beginning, chances are it will be better than its ever been for you and for him/her.You won't be carring that burden of your mistake anymore and your spouse will love you more for confiding in her trust enough to tell him/her about your mistake.

Warnings
Suspicion will undermine and destroy faith and trust. Avoid them. The best way to avoid them is to avoid getting into situations that create them.
Don't give into infidelity,most men/women who come onto you are unhappy and can't be faithful to one person, so they can't stand to see someone else happy and faithful.
The bottom line: Drama does not serve marriage well. Every time you stir up trouble with your spouse, you're creating a Trouble Marriage. When what's in the Trouble Marriage adds up to more than what's in the Trust and Respect Marriage, your marriage is not worth sh*t.