Has Tiger got nine lives?

If you haven't heard about all the goings on at Tigers den then you haven't been on the planet.I won't bore you with all the details, heaven knows I would have a hard time keeping up, there seems to be something new every minute.
There is something about excelling in sports that makes the individual feel invincible. It's all those voices telling you how great you are and that you are the best, numero uno, number one-necessary to build up the confidence that is necessary to get to the peak of any sport- but all those years spent focussing on just you, families spend so much time on a talented child to the detriment of other children. It is pretty hard to not turn out selfish with that much attention all your life but and this is a big but..... we are all called to face different challenges but still be decent human beings and he alledgedly hasn't. He is not alone, other sportstar scandals include

Kobe Bryant
In 2003, the L.A. Laker was accused of sexually assaulting 19-year old Katelyn Faber at a hotel in Eagle, Colorado. Bryant -- married to wife Vanessa since 2001 -- admitted to committing adultery but denied raping Faber. Charges were eventually dropped; he and Vanessa are still together.

OJ Simpson
In what was dubbed the "trial of the century," the former NFL star was acquitted in 1995 for the murder of ex-wife Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman. In 2008, Simpson was found guilty of a violent Las Vegas robbery and assault, and is now serving at least nine years in prison.

Mike Tyson
The heavyweight boxing champ's first marriage in the late 80s to actress Robin Givens was marred by trouble: she accused him of violence, spousal abuse and mental instablity. In 1992, Tyson, now 43, was convicted of raping 18 year-old Desiree Washington and served three years in prison

Alex Rodriguez
His marriage to wife Cynthia ended in 2008 after she discovered his affair with pop star Madonna, now 51. The New York Post had previously connected the New York Yankee, now 34, to an exotic dancer in Toronto

Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan
Figure skaters at war! Harding, now 39, admitted to being involved in the 1994 attack on her rival; Kerrigan, now 40, was struck on the knees with a collapsible baton and famously cried "Why? Why?" Harding was banned from the sport.

David Beckham

the weeks following Beckham's move to Spain on July 22, Victoria was to be seen far more frequently in London and New York, working on a new album with which she hoped to resurrect her flagging career as a pop singer. She was photographed in the company of Damon Dash, a large, black, cigar-chomping rap-music entrepreneur said to be helping her with the hip-hop tracks. David, meanwhile, was languishing in his suite at the luxurious five-star Santa Mauro hotel in Madrid, where he would eventually notch up a bill of £433,157 for his first 80 days, including £74,285 for parking the five cars he'd had sent over from Britain.

Bored and lonely, it was perhaps inevitable that he should entertain impure thoughts about his luscious personal assistant, who was great fun, good company and the kind of woman few red-blooded males could ignore. Rebecca certainly noticed a subtle change in his attitude towards her: "I was getting messages from him late at night — messages with a double meaning. Over the weeks I had changed my opinion about him and realised that there were lots of things about him I really liked. He was very attentive to me and I sensed something was growing between us." aptly put.

So back to Tiger, some of the above have managed to weather the storm so can he bounce back? Some sponsors that have stood by the golfer so far now also appear to be tempering their public backing of him. Gatorade, the soft-drink brand, has stopped its range of Tiger Focus energy drinks, while commercials featuring Woods have disappeared from prime-time television and many cable channels after reports of his extramarital affairs, according to Nielsen, the media monitoring company. Woods’s public ratings have also dropped, affecting the likes of Gillette, Nike, Tag Heuer, Accenture and AT&T, whose marketing campaigns have been modelled on his clean performance both on and off the fairways. Some retailers are reporting a reduction of up to 33 per cent in sales of their Tiger Woods action figures.

According to the Davie Brown Index, used to gauge the ability of personalities to influence shoppers, his ranking as the sixth-most-powerful celebrity endorser has fallen in less than two weeks to 24th.

Is stress always bad for you?

The word is pretty ,much everywhere-I'm stressed, How stressed are you?, What's your stress?

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics,

Stress is the uncomfortable feeling you get when you’re worried, scared, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. It is caused by emotions, but it affects your mood and body. Many adults think that kids don’t have stress because they don’t have to work and support a family. They are wrong!

What Causes Stress?

Stress comes from many different places.

From your family

From your friends.

Even from yourself. “I need to lose weight, wear the right clothes, get a better job, achieve more goals. Having the following traits;
Inability to accept uncertainty Pessimism Negative self-talk
Unrealistic expectations Perfectionism Lack of assertiveness
And from
Arguing or watching people around you argue
Working within tight deadlines or in a high pressure environment.
Relationship difficulties
Financial difficulties
Not being good enough at something
Worrying about your body image
Worrying about family and friends
Being too busy
Feeling guilty

How Does the Body Handle Stress?

First, here are 2 short definitions.

Hormone. A chemical made by one part of the body to send a message to the
rest of the body.
Nervous system. The brain, spinal cord, and all of the nerves. The nerves
send messages between your brain and the rest of your body.

Stress is a survival tool
The body is a finely tuned machine that can change quickly to do what we need it to do, like react to stress. The body actually has 2 different sets of nerves. One works while we’re relaxed, and the other works when there’s an emergency. These 2 systems cannot work together at the same time. It’s important to know this because we can shut off the emergency system by turning on the relaxed system. That helps us feel better!
Even when there are no real emergencies, our emotions can make our bodies act like there is a huge emergency. This is because the brain controls both emotions and stress hormones. If your brain thinks something terrible is happening, your body will react as if it really is! Even a little bit of stress that never seems to go away can confuse the body. It makes the body work harder to prepare for an emergency that may not really be there. This goes right back to ages ago when people needed to survive in Jungles and escape prey like Lions and Tigers.The emergency nervous system was a great thing to have keeping us alert and helping us work harder.

If Stress Is a Survival Tool, Why Does It Make Us Feel Awful?

Even when there are no real emergencies, our emotions can make our bodies act like there is a huge emergency. This is because the brain controls both emotions and stress hormones. If your brain thinks something terrible is happening, your body will react as if it really is! Even a little bit of stress that never seems to go away can confuse the body. It makes the body work harder to prepare for an emergency that may not really be there.
Obviously, A tiger running at you is a real crisis. If you believe a mild stress is an emergency, you will not be able to effectively handle it. Your body will be preparing to deal with a real tiger. You won’t be able to concentrate on anything but escaping. The trick is to figure out when something really is an emergency and when your emotions are only acting as if it is one.Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense danger – whether it’s real or imagined – the body's defenses kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight-or-flight” reaction, or the stress response.
The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, it helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life – giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident.

OK enough already! Down to what we really want to know-How to manage stress, since we know we can't get rid of it completely.

Learn how to relax
You can’t completely eliminate stress from your life, but you can control how much it affects you. Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing activate the body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response. When practiced regularly, these activities lead to a reduction in your everyday stress levels and a boost in your feelings of joy and serenity. They also increase your ability to stay calm and collected under pressure.

Invest in your emotional health
Most people ignore their emotional health until there’s a problem. But just as it requires time and energy to build or maintain your physical health, so it is with your emotional well-being. The more you put in to it, the stronger it will be. People with good emotional health have an ability to bounce back from stress and adversity. This ability is called resilience. They remain focused, flexible, and positive in bad times as well as good. The good news is that there are many steps you can take to build your resilience and your overall emotional health

Dealing with Stressful Situations: The Four A’s
Change the situation:
Avoid the stressor.
Alter the stressor.
Change your reaction:
Adapt to the stressor.
Accept the stressor.

easier said than done-I agree, keep an eye out for the part 2 which will analyse each of these and how to do them

Do Something Nice for Someone Else

Hold a door open for someone at the bank, give someone directions if they look lost or make a point to compliment three people on your way to work. Small or big, directed at friends or strangers, random acts of kindness make the person performing the kind act happier when they're grouped together, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, an experimental psychologist at UC Riverside. Doing a considerate thing for another person five times in one day made the doer happier than if they had spread out those five acts over one week. Lyubomirsky explains that because we all perform acts of kindness naturally, it seems to please us more when we're more conscious of it. There are social rewards, too, when people respond positively.

Do good, feel good” is one of the great truths of happiness -- but you may be thinking, “Sure, good deeds would make me happy, but I barely have time to get through the essentials of my day. I don’t have time to do any good deeds!”

Wrong. Here are some ways that you can help other people—and make yourself feel great, at the same time—in under five minutes.

1. Be friendly. I've decided that there are five degrees of social interactions with strangers: hostile, rude, neutral, polite, and friendly. I find it very difficult to be downright friendly to strangers, but I always find myself energized and cheered by a friendly interaction. It only takes an extra minute to exchange a few pleasant words, but it makes a real difference.

2. Say “yes.” If you can, and if you should, say “yes.”

3. Say “no.” My sister, who is a TV-writer in Hollywood, once told me, “'Yes' comes right away; ‘no’ never comes.” Meaning, for example, that when she’s pitched an idea, if she doesn’t hear “yes” right away, it means they don’t like the idea. I’ve found this precept to be widely true. In many circumstances, we find it hard to say "no" — partly because it will hurt someone’s feelings, partly because it closes a possibility that could otherwise remain open. But waiting to hear "no" saps people’s energy by keeping them hoping for an answer they aren’t going to get. If someone is waiting for your “No,” put them out of their misery.

4. Sign up on the national organ-donor registry. This takes no time at all, and the consequences could be HUGE! Tell your family that you signed up, too. Remember, the one minute that someone takes, right now, to sign up on the registry might save YOUR life six months from now. And vice versa. Discuss this with any loved ones as I found out, it can indeed be very distressing and make you appear selfish.

5. Lead them not into temptation. It can feel generous, friendly, and fun-loving to urge people to take another piece of cake, to drink another glass of wine, or to make an extra purchase, or to urge them to give themselves a break by skipping the gym, skipping class, or quitting smoking next week instead of today. But when you see people truly trying to resist temptation, encourage them to stick to their resolutions. The Big Man and I always encourage each other to go to the gym. It can feel a little Spartan, but in the end, we’re both much cheerier when we’ve exercised.

6. Do someone else’s chore. Don’t you sometimes wish that someone would do one of your little jobs? If nothing else, to show an awareness of the fact that you faithfully do it, day after day? Emptying the diaper pail or starting the office coffee-pot, even though it’s not “your” job, helps people feel appreciated and cared for. One of my Twelve Commandments is to “Spend out,” which reminds me not to keep score, not to focus so much on everything coming out even – like chores.

shh! The taboo question-Are men the second sex?

It’s increasingly a woman’s world, as boys and men lose ground at school and at work. A chance to redefine manhood?
These days, outside top City circles, being a man does not signify first-class status. In much of modern life, maleness increasingly means coming second. For instance, boys are now less likely than girls to succeed in school and are less likely to apply for and get into university. Last year there were 172,925 female undergraduates and only 141,643 male. Teenage boys are more likely to take drugs, drink, commit crime and exhibit antisocial behaviour. They also tend to spend longer out of work and in training. Society has become “feminised” in the skills it values: multitasking, communication, sitting still in front of a computer — all these play to female strengths rather than male ones. And accordingly, the social status of masculinity is changing. In many areas it is men who are now The Second Sex, as Simone De Beauvoir, the feminist philosopher, described women in 1949.

Mark Penn, the author of the influential book Microtrends, has highlighted the phenomenon of what he calls Guys Left Behind: “Sure, most leadership positions are still filled by men, and there are lots of super-achieving men out there,” he says. “But on the other end of the spectrum, serious problems are brewing for the future of men.” According to statistics, he says, men are 15 times more likely to go to prison, more likely to be obese, alcoholic, unemployed and die earlier.

“When it comes to earning what you learn, guys aren’t learning what they need to — women are getting almost 60% of the college degrees conferred… This college gap could be the one that spells the most serious problem for guys, and over time can be at the root of a lot of increased frustration and even crime... The lifestyles and habits that worked so well for men in more dangerous times may not be working so well for them in the information age. In every age from the caves right on through the second world war, it worked for men to take big risks, have short attention spans and be driven by ego. These days, those things are more likely to get in the way of doing a good job.”
many women of my generation, the main breadwinner in my family. I’m sure Duffield regards me as some kind of curiosity, but I’m not. I am merely ahead of the curve. Coming up behind me are legions of high-powered, high-earning women. These are the alpha queens, former “graduate princesses” who, having done much better at school and university than their male peers, a decade further down the line are now landing the best jobs too.

At board level, where men supreme, women are still largely unrepresented, but lower down they are gaining ground in the professions and business. Last year almost 60% of new solicitors were women. Ten years ago there were 64,737 female and 132,577 male doctors; those figures have now risen to 94,782 females and 136,876 males. Even in male-dominated fields such as investment banking 30% of the intake is female. And self-employed “lipstick entrepreneurs”(more than 1m, up 17% since 2000) are bucking the recession, according to a recent report for the Federation of Small Businesses, which predicts: “More female board members, more female millionaires. The pay gap and glass ceiling will become obsolete.” The alpha queens are on the march.

This female empowerment is a global phenomenon; in America there are now more women than men in the workforce. The credit crunch over there has been called the Mancession: four out of every five jobs lost in the US over the past two years have been held by men. It is blue-collar jobs in manufacturing and construction that are haemorrhaging, while white-collar work in increasingly female-dominated fields, such as education and health, is holding steady or even growing.

Society has changed incredibly quickly: work, schools and the family were once arranged around men, allowing them to excel. But these days careers are less linear; structures are less hierarchical, and in an increasingly mechanised and computerised world, men’s traditional strengths are less prized. Indeed, it is now often women who seem to have all the choices: if they want a stellar career, companies will increasingly fast-track them as it becomes more important to be seen to have women in senior roles (even the Conservative party is at it); but if as a woman you decide to work flexibly or part-time, or not to work at all, that is fine too. Feminism was about giving women the right to choose — these days it often seems as if females hold all the cards.

Julia Margo, head of research at the think-tank Demos, is compiling a report called The Lost Boys. “At school, GCSE attainment is 10% lower for boys, and fewer young men than women graduate from university,” she says. “Many have put this down to educational approach and the curriculum being more suited to girls. Increasing ‘feminisation’ of the teaching profession is more and more frequently cited.

“In policy terms, the key areas of interest in the past few years have been women-centric: teen pregnancy, closing the gender gap, work-life balance, as governments strive to make us a more equal society. But what if we have now changed the playing field so much that it is actually boys who are getting a raw deal? Boys and men who are unsure of their place in the world? Boys feeling excluded and grasping for new roles and ways of being, as women forge ahead? The recession has particularly hit male workers in the UK, too.”

Boys may still aspire to become engineers and scientists, doctors and lawyers, but compared with girls, they aren’t making the grades. And in a society where girls win all the educational prizes, what rewards are there for the boys? The feminised face of the working world is forcing men to re-examine their own roles both within employment and outside it. Could those changes be good for them, giving them freedom, choice and opportunity, just as the sexual revolution changed the lives of women? It’s when children come along that things get complicated for men and women. They earn similar wages in their twenties, but when women start families the pay gap opens up. Traditionally, it has been the woman who, as the lower earner, cuts back on work (and pay) when she reproduces — but what happens when it is the woman who has the higher-paying job? The decision often comes down to economics. Successful women are following the well-worn path of the successful man down the ages: finding a loving, nurturing partner who will keep the home fires burning.

The number of stay-at-home dads has doubled in a decade to 200,000.
The recession is driving this trend. The psychologist Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, says studies show that, around the age of six, “Boys seem to lock on to their dad, or stepdad or whichever male is around, and want to be with him, to learn from him and copy him. They want to ‘study how to be male’.”

The dearth of male teachers in primary schools and the high numbers of single mothers in areas such as Moston leave many boys with no such father figure. Meanwhile, many relationships break down because of domestic violence, leaving boys with a sense that men are hated and hate them.

Earlier this year, The Centre for Social Justice, the think-tank set up by Ian Duncan Smith to examine social breakdown, published a report on street gangs called Dying to Belong. It noted that boys growing up with physically or emotionally absent fathers often suffered from feelings of rejection and inadequacy. Their masculinity was learnt from alpha-male imagery in the culture. From this came the macho culture of “respect” which fuels so many murderous petty disputes.

Barry Fishwick, a superhead who has already turned around several tough schools in Warrington and has just been appointed to transform North Manchester High School for Boys into a new Creative and Media Academy notes that the gang influence was clear on the boys at Moston. Many wore their trousers round their hips, a fashion that began in America when young men were released from custody without their belts. Another signifier of this kind of culture is golf gloves (worn to stop traces of explosives being left on the hands when handling guns). Many of the young black men had hair shaved with totemic patterns. Fishwick explained that the majority of boys at his school were the children of second- or even third-generation single mothers. “Often there are no men in their family constellations at all. There are many more kids coming through to us in schools like this who are uncertain of their place in the structure of things. They have no social skills — some, aged 11, can’t use a knife or fork. They have only ever eaten takeaway meals.” He describes children witnessing aggression and domestic violence, often looking after younger siblings while fending for themselves. Many have never known anyone with a job.

A few weeks ago Fishwick’s lads played a football match against Altrincham Grammar School. “You could see the deprivation. Our boys are pale and thin, or obese, with not much hair. By contrast the grammar-school boys are big, hairy and well-nourished. They look completely different. I’d so love them to win. They hadn’t a chance this time, but we’ll get there.”

Sport is essential to these boys’ development. Many of them have never been shown how to channel or curb their aggression. As studies of bringing up boys show, it is through rough play that fathers teach their sons how to control their strength. “We have high levels of testosterone in boys who have never learnt to resolve tensions in any other ways than through violence,” says Fishwick. “So, yes, we have a few fights.”

I fear “a few fights” is an understatement. The world these boys inhabit is one of aggression and menace. Kid British is a successful pop group who grew up in north Manchester and had a hit song, Our House is Dadless. Life on these estates, according to singer James Mayer, is one of constant vigilance to avoid getting beaten up. “The first thing anyone wants to buy is a car, so you don’t have to walk the streets.”

That aggression spills into school. When the bell goes the boys pour out of their classes. There is a distinct air of menace. When I try to meet their eyes, they avoid all contact or stare right through me. We go into a classroom, where I ask some of them what they want to be when they grow up. The cool, gangster-looking kid at the back says: “I want to be a thoracic surgeon.” The others want to be firemen, roofers. “I’m going to be unemployed,” says one wag. They laugh. I ask one of the young female teachers if she ever feels frightened there. “No,” she says. “They’re good kids when you get to know them.”

Fishwick believes there is yet another problem facing his youngsters: the education system itself. Is the curriculum weighted against boys? “I have spent 30 years teaching in mixed schools. In my experience the system favours the girls; they are more sophisticated in communication and emotional awareness. They mature earlier. At 13 or 14, pupils have to make choices that will affect the rest of their lives. The girls are in a much better place to do that. And changes to the curriculum also play to their strengths
When feminists set out on the road to equality a century ago, they didn’t want to become men, they wanted to be judged on equal terms. They fought to do the jobs men did — and they wanted men to do some of the emotional work they did. Men and women may be different, but in our essential humanity we are the same. We all want what is best for our families, to raise happy children, to live the best, most interesting and fulfilling lives we can. The Llanelli men have found real happiness in living full lives with their families, redefining themselves by what they have to give rather than what they earn. If we are going to ensure that men do not become “Guys Left Behind”, as Penn puts it, society has to start working out what men need to get back on track.

Seven ways to keep your bloke

HE is so gorgeous you'd love to hook up with him - or you've had a few dates and want more.
Here psychologist Dr PAM SPURR offers seven subtle ways to grab then keep his attention without appearing too desperate or obvious.

WORD PERFECT: The choice of words you use around him is crucial to him wanting more time with you.

This is known as verbal attraction, when you make him like you even if he doesn't know why he feels this way.

When you chat with him, use feelgood lines such as: "It's lovely to have bumped into you." Or: "This cocktail tastes heavenly." Or: "This is a wonderful place."

These words will zoom straight into his subconscious and he won't quite know why he always feels good around you - but he will.

SPEAKS VOLUMES: Sticking with the theme of what you say, your vocal tone is also crucial to attracting him.

Relationship research shows men are attracted to softer, slower and slightly lower tones than the high-pitched, excitable tones in which we gabble to our girlfriends.

Being wise with the way you speak will subtly seduce him. All he'll be conscious of is that he likes the sound of you speaking. But let him get a word in.

FOCUS HIS MIND: To seduce him into getting together with you, then staying with you, grab his attention. He needs to concentrate on you - and only you.

Which is why choosing a crowded, noisy bar for a first date is a bad idea. With loads of distractions, you'll be unable to focus on each other.

Choose a place which has subtle background music and lighting. Save clubbing for another time.

THE FOOD OF LOVE: It's rare for a woman to have a good appetite on a date. Instead, she pushes her food around on her plate.

But you give him a sexy subconscious message if you eat with a passion because he'll think you are also hungry in the bedroom - the two are linked.

SOME THINGS SHOULD ALWAYS REMAIN A MYSTERY: He loves the fact that your skin is soft, you don't have facial hair and you smell wonderful.

So if he rings when your face is slathered in a mud mask, don't tell him.

He really doesn't want to know how you make yourself so delicious - keep tweezing, plucking and shaving but in complete privacy.

A LITTLE DISTANCE GOES A LONG WAY: You've had a couple of hot dates, you can barely keep your hands off each other and you want to see him 24/7. But keeping a little distance between each other during the first few months has a positive psychological effect - he will want more of the wonderful you.

Despite wanting to see him every evening, carve out time with your friends and yourself - so heightening his interest.

FIND YOUR TOMBOY SIDE: Of course men love us because we're women but one resounding criticism is that we never let our girly sides slip.

Have perfect make-up and wear sexy little black dresses on dates but surprise him by sometimes mucking in with guy stuff.

He'll think you're even more gorgeous if you grab a paintbrush and offer to help him paint his sitting room - rather than back off in horror for fear of spoiling your nails. (courtesy the sun)

feeling down? 25 instant pick-me-ups to try

We've all been there, some days you just feel like sh!t. The blues overtake all of us from time to time. Here are 25 quick ways to pick up your spirits.

1. Keep a running list of inspiring quotes and uplifting jokes. Refer to them when you need to.

2. Call a good friend.

3. Think about how things would look if your life were perfect. Now imagine your life is just that way, and live out the rest of the day with that awareness.

4. Drink two glasses of water. Many times, what I thought was sadness was really just dehydration. Sounds simple, but it's true.

5. Fake a smile for 5 or 10 minutes.

6. Read an uplifting devotional or meditation. I read the bible and find it inspiring every time.

7. Close your eyes for a few minutes.

8. Call your mom.

9. Look through old scrapbooks or personal journals.

10. Go outside. A few minutes of fresh air can do wonders for your mood.

11. Go for a very quick jog.

12. Keep a gratitude journal, in which you write down things that you are thankful for. This is a great way to start and end each day. For a quick "pick-me-up," write as many gratitudes as you can in one minute. Don't think; just write.

13. Make something. Use your creative mind, and create something with your own two hands, whether it is a piece of jewelry, a scrapbook page, a pretty floral arrangement or a batch of cookies.

14. What is your biggest goal (or your biggest problem)? Do one thing that will contribute to its completion (or its solution.)

15. Keep a running list of things you enjoy doing. This sounds funny, but sometimes, when we're in a funk, we can't think of anything. Do something that you enjoy doing, just for the sake of doing it.

16. Think thoughts that make you feel just a little bit better. Find the best part of your situation and focus your thoughts on that. Repeat.

17. Eat something healthy and fresh. You could be feeling blue because your blood sugar has taken a dip. Eat a bowl of fresh fruits or vegetables.

18. Buy yourself a treat it could be something as simple as a bouquet of fresh flowers or example.

19. Pour a cup of hot cocoa or a cup of coffee and read a favorite magazine for a few minutes.

20. Make lists. It makes us feel so capable when we can cross things off our to-do lists.

21. Turn on music. Your favorite tunes can really lift your spirits. Use classical and jazz to calm; rock and roll or hip hop to energize.

22. Write down what's bothering you, as quickly as you can without stopping to think about it too much as you write. You can achieve a huge amount of clarity from this simple exercise.

23. Mark Twain said, "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." He's right, and it doesn't have to mean a big time investment. Just do something thoughtful for someone, right now.

24. De-clutter a part of your home or office that needs it. These little jobs can be really uplifting as they give us a sense of accomplishment throughout the day.

25. Set a new goal. If I'm feeling down in the dumps, sometimes all I need is something new to accomplish.

If your mood doesn't brighten right away, go with the flow, and accept your mood just the way it is. It is okay to be feel blue every now and then. Let yourself rest, and give yourself time to restore your own happy mood in your own natural time.

10 tips for spotting an unfaithful partner

You might think you have a strong relationship, but what if you came home, sat down at the computer and discovered a suggestive email from your partner to a work colleague?

For most of us, the thought of our significant other cheating is the stuff of nightmares that we hope we never have to endure. But if Ashley Cole could cheat on Cheryl and Jude Law could forsake Sienna then is it really wise to be so complacent?

Indeed, a recent survey revealed that one in ten Britons would have an affair if they could get away with it. Of the 3,000 couples surveyed for Onepoll, 12 per cent claimed to have cheated on their spouse and a third admitted sleeping with someone else when in a previous relationship.

So if deceiving your partner is as commonplace as the statistics lead us to believe, how do know if it's happening to us?
There was the young lady who discovered her beloved had painstakingly photographed and then hidden away all her belongings so he could convince the girl he went on to cheat with that he was living the single life in his bachelor pad. He later used the photos on his phone to put everything back in its rightful place. Ingenious you might think, if he hadn’t forgotten to erase the pictures.

Then there was the girlfriend who overheard two gossips in a neighbouring toilet cubicle feverishly debating whether she had any idea her boyfriend was sleeping around. Ouch.

Not to forget the woman who returned home after a few days away to find the remnants of white wine when her partner only drank red. Her suspicions were then confirmed by the long auburn hairs scattered all over her bed linen.

Interestingly, in each case, before these philanderers were finally caught out, their behaviour was already viewed as suspect in some way by their better halves.

And while there’s no sure-fire way to catch a cheat (phone tapping or lie detector tests on the Jeremy Kyle show seems a little extreme), my research - in which I spoke to numerous women who learnt the hard way - did reveal a host of womaniser signs you can look out for.

1. Is there such a thing as a harmless flirt?

At some stage we’ve all had a friend who is clearly dating a bit of a sex pest. The boyfriend who you assume is totally into your lovely pal. That is until he stares into your eyes just a little bit too long as you engage in polite conversation, or finds it necessary to place his hands on your hips as he moves past you at the bar
Lo and behold this often ends up being the same cad who runs off with someone else or gets caught in a compromising position with his workmate. You can see it coming a mile off with your friend, but can you see when it’s happening to you?

There is no doubt that if your beloved is really into you then naturally he should spend the majority of his time eyeing YOU up - and not everyone else. Red-blooded males will always have a sneaky peek at the opposite sex but if your chap is leering at every woman he sees (including a passing nun flashing a bit of ankle) then best be on your guard.

2. He can't go anywhere without his phone

Modern technology dictates that it has never been easier to play away. With multiple email addresses, mobile phones, instant messenger, Twitter and Facebook, technology has created a cheater's paradise. So if he never lets his phone out of his sight or keeps it on silent, quickly clicks on to a different webpage when you approach or hurries off for mumbled phone calls then it could be he has something to hide. As one case study points out: "I had a cheating boyfriend who took his phone to the loo and when he was running a bath.” If he has nothing to hide, then why all the secrecy?

He’s had a man makeover

Most of us let our standards slip a little when we're settled in a relationship. Suddenly our underwear doesn't match, we don't plaster on the make-up as much and can't be bothered to shave our legs.

It's the same for our boyfriends - the stubble grows, shirts go un-ironed and moobs start to flourish.

"You know he's probably cheating when he suddenly turns from the tramp you've come to know and love into the man you first met," explains one wronged woman. "Working out, paying attention to his hair and making sure he smells good by covering himself top to toe in aftershave." So if, out of the blue, he starts making a special effort, you have to wonder

4. He’s acting shady

Some people are very good at lying, but luckily for us, other folk are appalling. So keep your eye out for suspect body language that gives away the fact he’s fibbing.

Classic signs of lying include covering his mouth when he's speaking, rubbing or scratching his nose as well as an inability to look you in the eye.

5. He's constantly AWOL

It's no easy feat juggling two relationships at once, so it will come as no surprise that a love cheat is often a late cheat.

If he's suddenly got into the habit of not answering the phone or being vague about where he's been then you’re entitled to think it’s a little iffy. As a woman scorned reveals: “My boyfriend was never a great time keeper but suddenly ‘I'll be half an hour’ would mean him turning up three hours later.”

If he can’t tell you what’s keeping him then you can’t be sure he’s all yours.

6. He’s suddenly very keen on housework

There was a time when it took a stand up row to get him to push the Hoover round. Likewise changing the bed sheets any less than once a month was viewed as an extravagance.

So why has he helpfully changed the bed linen midweek? And what prompted him to stick his shirt in the washing machine rather than discard it on the floor?

Have his hygiene standards really changed overnight or do you smell a rat? A perfume wearing, hair moulting rat...

7. He’s all over you

Before an affair a love cheat may have struggled to be civil to his girlfriend. But guilt can do strange things to a man and may even prompt him to become extremely over-attentive. Likewise, a sudden wave of floral fancies could seem shifty if previously flowers from him were as rare as a four leafed clover.

As another case study will corroborate: "My unfaithful ex started buying me flowers for no reason - except to ease his conscience." Could it be that his affections also lie elsewhere?

8. He’s keeping you at arm’s length
While some cheating chaps will kill their unwitting partners with kindness, others will become very distant and standoffish.

He may look physically repulsed by the prospect of going to bed together and become easily irritated by the slightest thing you do.

As another woman in the know reveals: "My cheating ex started overreacting to simple questions like, ‘Did you have fun last night?' with responses such as, ‘For God's sake why are you always checking up on me?’"

Are you a source of unrelenting irritation because you’re just not her?
9. He’s making other people feel awkward

Cheaters sometimes feel the need to purge their sins by sharing their dirty little secret with their nearest and dearest. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the recipient of their confession feels comfortable with the revelation.

“When my boyfriend was playing away I noticed that his parents were being friendly but in a really shifty way because they knew and felt awkward,” explains another cheated lady. “I also picked up on the fact he suddenly didn't want me to see his friends.”

He might be able to keep up the perfect poker face but will his mates crumble?

10. Sometimes there are no signs

Occasionally you meet a real master of deception, a pathological liar who hoodwinks everyone, but by the same token there are plenty of men (and women) who wouldn’t dream of cheating.

As one man says: “In long-term relationships everyone has their moments and opportunities to play away, but, what separates us from animals, is that we are born with an emotional capacity to make judgements rather than just acting on instinct.

“Yes, we still have the possibility to be unfaithful, but in the long term it’s actually more rewarding and fruitful to be monogamous. You realise you are creating something great together – far greater than you would achieve being on your own or by slyly playing the field.”

So if there are no signs he’s cheating then he probably wouldn’t dream of it. Hurrah

when does jealousy spell trouble

Jealousy , for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at the one thing that holds it together: Trust. To tell your girlfriend or wife that she cannot have lunch with a male co-worker is to tell her that you don't trust her (unless she has really given you reason not to). If you have to impose so many restrictions, should you two even be together?

Jealousy also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to numerous fights whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.

Furthermore, you end up spending the bulk of your day foolishly thinking up scenarios in which he or she may cheat on you. Before you know it, the greater part of your relationship will be spent on what could be happening rather than what is happening.

Jealousy will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if yours is reaching dangerously high levels, it's time to get help as soon as possible.
learn to control yourself
Here are five ways to get a grip on your Jealousy before you lose control and do something you may later regret:

1- Learn from past experiences
Look at how your behavior affected past relationships and use that to help you behave better. You may soon discover that these tantrums are the cause of your troubled love life. Realize that getting upset with her for no reason won't help your situation.

2- Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person she really is.

3- Respect yourself
Realize that he or she chose you for a reason and there is no need for them to be so easily tempted elsewhere. Remind yourself that you're every bit as deserving as those guys you feel threatened by.

4- Get a third party's opinion
Ask a friend to take note of your behavior around your girlfriend. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions (as well as hers) by getting a neutral party's perspective.

5- Set some rules early on
Try establishing some general guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable for you. This way, you'll both have justification for outbursts when either of you is behaving improperly.don't overreact
It's okay to feel jealous, as long as you can contain and channel it in a positive manner. Keep in mind that having other guys flirt with your girlfriend is normal; just consider it as flattery on both your parts. As long as she looks but doesn't touch, what's the big deal?

Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy yours. More importantly, show the lady the same respect you would want her to show you. If you can do as you please, then so can she.


don't overreact
It's okay to feel jealous, as long as you can contain and channel it in a positive manner. Keep in mind that having other guys flirt with your girlfriend is normal; just consider it as flattery on both your parts. As long as she looks but doesn't touch, what's the big deal?

Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy yours. More importantly, show the lady the same respect you would want her to show you. If you can do as you please, then so can she.

As Barack Obama wins the Nobel peace prize, ways to live peacefully

It takes 2 to argue. If we can learn the right humble response to all the provocation, we should live peacefully.
ANGER is one letter away from DANGER. We need to take the knowledge of rising anger as a danger signal. We’re gonna get into danger if we stay in this direction and let anger run its course.

Dangers we should look out for

1) Being High Minded
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

You will not get along with others if you have an inflated opinion of yourself. If you see yourself as above them, it’ll cause you to talk down to them. It's pretty easy to spot as well.
After baring your soul to someone, telling someone how you’ve stumbled or what you’re struggling with, the last thing you want to hear are things like “I knew you would get yourself into trouble”, “I told you so”. That’s just being high minded. Respond with an attitude of humility even though you may be fuming inwardly, try to resist uttering words along the lines "what were you thinking?!!"

I know I can certainly do better in this area. Your intentions though good can actually come across as something totally opposite! Coming to someone with a self righteous and high minded attitude is hardly ever effective. Joyce Meyer has talked about how being Mr Perfecto will cause people to switch off. I can certainly concur with this, the last thing I want to hear when I have screwed up is how differently you would have done it.
You're not always right, he's not always wrong
This is one of the staples in every relationship. Talk to a bunch of couples, and you'll hear him talk about how she thinks she's always right, and her talk about how he's always wrong. And I'll grant you this much: we're usually wrong. But keep an open mind. Every now and then, we do get it right. And we'd like to win arguments some of the time-especially when we're on the right side.

Focus on the big stuff

As much as those little errors of our ways might irk you, look at the bigger picture. Is it really that big a deal? If it isn't, consider letting it slide. Guys are perfectly okay with thrashing it out about the bigger stuff, but not built to notice those tiny things like women.

You've got your feelings, he's got his ego

A good friend of mine once told me that both sexes have something that's easily bruised. Women have their feelings and men have their egos. Tread with caution when around either. Bruise a woman's feelings and she's likely to hurt. Similarly with a man's ego, it's what sustains him in this dog-eat-dog world we live in. So women, important lesson in keeping the peace: a man's ego is a risky thing to hit at.

Lose the subtlety

If you're trying to write a murder mystery, subtlety is good. If you're trying to tell a man what you want, leave the subtlety out. Traditionally, we have never done well with hints, so, oxymoronic as it may be, the direct hint is the way to go.*

When all else fails, there are some tried and tested cures. I'd suggest one of the two things. Either you focus his attention on a third party the both of you share hatred for-a good example is any cricket team other than ours-or just show him some love. Works every time.

Ok to leave peacefully it's important that individually we should have inner peace and after extensive research this is what we need to have within;

1.Do not compare yourself with others: Your life is your own. Your likes and dislikes, tastes, expectations and standards are your own. Your neighbor or your colleague need not be a benchmark for you to compare yourself or compete with. Their level of education, financial status, social status or spending pattern need not be yours. If at all you have to compare, compare yourself with those who are less privileged than you; those whose lives are more peaceful and less complicated than yours.

2.Do not aspire to make other's dreams your reality: Your father's unfulfilled dream of becoming a doctor need not be your dream. Your mother's dream of becoming a successful dancer need not be yours - unless and until, you, on your own - think the same way.

3.Have a clear-cut self-judgment about your true capabilities, strengths and limitations: You might possess excellent soccer skills within your local league. But it need not mean you are competent enough to play for the national team. Compare yourself with better players and make a sincere judgment: ‘Do I really play or am I capable of playing to that level? Do I have the physical, psychological and financial resources to make myself fit enough to come up to that level? Above all, is such a yearning worth the effort?'
Sheer positive thinking alone will not do wonders. In the scheme of nature, all are not endowed with same set of skills and resources. If you are capable of judging yourself correctly, you will be endowed with the peace of mind by not pursuing something beyond your reach.

4.Live within your means: This is time-tested age-old wisdom, which is unfortunately forgotten in today's credit card culture. What you buy using credit cards should be payable IN FULL by you when the bill arrives. If you get lured by the "Minimum Amount Due Now," it paves the way for accumulation of debt and consequently, loss of peace, sooner or later. If the object of desire can be purchased by you only through installment, DO NOT SUCCUMB to the temptation of purchase. By bringing in this self-control, you may lose short-term pleasures, but you will enjoy long-term peace.
Procurement of capital-intensive items like a flat/house should be strictly within your well-thought-out budgets, taking into account your repaying capacity under realistic situations and NOT based on your dreams of making a big fortune in your future endeavors!

5.Regularly save a percentage of your income: At any point in time, should you come across a bad patch in life like losing a job, or a loss in your business, etc., you should be in a position to pull along comfortably at least for a few months on the strength of your savings.

6.Never get addicted to anything: Be it alcohol, smoking, drugs, women, work, profession, money, fame or recognition. Moderation is the key to a peaceful life. Eat moderately. Sleep moderately. Work moderately. Have sex moderately. Do not stretch yourself beyond limits.

7.Run around less: Avoid unnecessary travel. Communicate better and more effectively through the various avenues and media so that personal face-to-face meetings by traveling long distances can be reduced. Delegate more. Remember that traveling long distances taxes your health by upsetting and altering your eating, drinking and sleeping rhythms, which in turn, affect your peace of mind.

8.Intentionally slow down: Don't hanker behind high targets and goals. Reduce your standards of expectation from others. If you are running, switch over to walking! Remember: You don't really have to prove anything about yourself to yourself! Perhaps you can be better off by extending the principle - you don't really have to prove anything about yourself to others, too, if you can!

9.Let wellness of your family take precedence over your profession: Remember: The fundamental needs of any human being is rather simple and basic: Good food, good clothing and a good shelter. Under shelter comes the family. When you have a good conjugal relationship, nice children, healthy food and the loving embrace of the beloved's hands when you are physically or mentally down, you have mostly got what is fundamentally essential for peace. Any other pursuit that goes against these and disturbs these fundamentals will only add to misery.

10.Avoid poking your nose into others' affairs unnecessarily: Extend a helping hand to others, within your capacity and limits, when help is sought from you. Do not overstretch yourself in helping others and get into trouble. Do not offer help with a mind calculating to get something in return in the future.

11.Be health-conscious, but don't make a fetish of your health: By eating in time, eating moderately, eating nutritious food and by exercising moderately, you will maintain your physical health and fitness. Do not read beyond rudimentary facts about various ailments, their symptoms and cure!

12.Live within the mortal framework generally acceptable in the society: Every new generation makes a compromise in moral standards of the previous generation and dilutes them to a lower level. Moral laxity is condusive for instant gratification and unbridled thrills but a sure ingredient for loss of peace. Sticking to moral standards set by morally sound elders of the previous generations will help you to lead a peaceful life.
13.Have faith in a Higher Power governing all: Have faith in God. People who are religious have been shown to be more peaceful

As David Letterman admits to infidelity, Is it difficult to be faithful?

Most people mention being faithful as one of the top three essentials in a successful relationship. But the fact is, people cheat.

Why affairs happen
There are as many reasons why people have affairs as there are people. But usually an affair is an external sign of an internal desire for change. Something in the person's life or the relationship isn't OK - and the affair creates the trigger for change.

Affairs aren't only about sex. In fact, relationship experts maintain that any intimate activity between two people that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair.


Is your relationship at risk?
Here are some common causes of affairs

Relationship problems - if you're unhappy in your relationship you'll be more tempted to look elsewhere.
Boredom - if you're bored with your life, an affair may seem like an adventure.
Low self-esteem - you may need reassurance that you're attractive and loveable.



Types of affairs
Although there are many reasons for affairs, most fall into one of four categories:

The boat-rocking affair - when one partner has an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open.

The exit affair - when an affair is used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn't working, an affair forces the issue.

The thrill affair - the illicit nature of an affair brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship, and it can seem irresistible.

The three's company affair - can go on for years; it can also describe a string of successive affairs. Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel stifled by monogamy and fear putting all their emotional eggs in one basket. Having a third person on the scene can provide an outlet for difficult emotions.

Tips to help avoid affairs
Be open - honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.
Be close - build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.
Be smart - don't slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation.
Be alert - if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.
Behave - if you'd describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don't want to get burned, don't play with fire.


When affairs are discovered
Whether the discovery of an affair is gradual or sudden, shock is the first emotion you're likely to experience.

When the shock wears off, you may be left with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and perhaps embarrassment, especially if you were the one being unfaithful.

Most people find themselves wondering how this could have happened and questioning whether there can be any future for their relationship.

Surviving the affair
Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it's something we often take for granted until it's gone. If you're the one that's had the affair, you'll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it's them you truly love and that you've learnt from your mistake.

If you're the one who's been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you'll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.

Trust only takes a moment to break, but much, much longer to rebuild. At first it may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience it may survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship - but it doesn't always signal the end.
Loyalty and faithfulness may sound like mundane, old fashioned concepts but research shows they are vital to emotional and physical health. Married people live longer, more productive, healthier and happier lives especially if their marriages are happy and monogamous.

People who are married and faithful in their relationship are at a huge advantage. Being in a good faithful relationship confers huge benefits on people.

A modern malaise: treating people as objects

In our throwaway society attitudes to material goods can filter through to how we view and act in relationships.

The thought that "this will do until something better/more exiting/younger comes along" is to treat a partner like a material object. Having your cake and eating it can be bad for everyone.

Instant excitement can make you and others unhappy in the long term

Paradoxically, seeking excitement through unfaithfulness as an attempt at securing happiness usually does just the opposite.

Having an affair may be symptomatic of wider problems within a marriage or relationship and may signal the end.

But if it's an addictive pattern and happens frequently even when everything is ok within the main relationship then it is even more destructive.

The grass always seems greener

Of course the grass is always greener on the other side (or at least so it seems) but to be constantly unfaithful to someone is to treat them with small regard and respect. Part of the addictive cycle of being unfaithful can be the 'buzz' of 'leading a double life', of the deceit, of the fact of 'having a secret.'

SDome confuse excitement with happiness. This is like mixing up the buzz you get from too much sugar with the long term benefits and nutrition and health you get from reliable regular and satisfying food.

How to resist the temptation to be unfaithful;
Agree upon trusting one another. Once you have taken your vows, believe that overt possessiveness is no longer a "cute" trait that your spouse appreciates - you have both taken vows to be faithful. Now it's time to believe in one another and trust your partner. Suspicion, and doubt don't cause a spouse to cheat, but if one spouse exhibits high degrees of any of these, it spells trouble for the relationship.Set reasonable boundaries and stay within them - this fosters trust, and the longer you each stay within the boundaries you have agreed on, the more "trust" you will build as time goes on.
Accept the fact that you are no longer single. No, you may not come and go as you please, no matter how much that may rankle. You have a responsibility to your spouse or partner now, and the sooner you accept it, the fewer fights and arguments you'll have. Acting as if you are free and accountable to no one will pretty much ensure that you will be again - soon. Instead, in keeping with the previous step, set some boundaries and abide by them. Examples:


When you go your separate ways for the day, agree when you will meet back at home, or wherever. If you agree upon 6pm, then be there at that time. If you realize you will be late, call as soon as you know - definitely do not leave your spouse wondering for more than 30 minutes - it worries him or her needlessly.
If it rubs you the wrong way to specify a time at which you will come home, you must remember this helps your spouse to keep the trust she or he may have in you.
Understand that your spouse is not attempting to put you on a leash. It's simply a matter of wanting to know when to begin worrying, and where to put the cops on the trail should you not arrive home when expected. If you didn't want to be cared about or be responsible to someone else, you should not have gotten married.
Don't stir up trouble where there isn't any. Doing things to see how your spouse will react is a bad idea. The problem is that it creates a climate of anxiety and turbulence, and it's controlling and manipulative. Don't pick fights just to see what s/he'll say or do.
Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. If you meet someone who comes on to you, don't panic, show no interest, tell them you're not interested, you're very happy and content with your wife/husband, he/she fills all your needs. Don't get yourself into any situation where even a whiff of adultery is near. Don't be alone with this person, and don't go out of your way to see him or her.
Take your spouse with you. If you know you'll be in a situation where you can't avoid this person, take your spouse along. Knowing your partner is watching will keep you in line, and hopefully will deter any questionable acts on the part of the other person.

Tell the other person you are not interested, period. Don't give a half-hearted, "Gee, I'm really attracted to you, but I'm married." This sends a wrong message - it says, "If only my stupid wife/husband weren't in the way, then you and I could hook up." Any sleaze who knows you're married and persists in coming on to you will not hesitate to run over your spouse if s/he thinks you're at all interested. Watch "Gone With the Wind" to see a perfect example of how a wishy-washy attempt to let a girl down easy ends up wasting years of her life. What matters is that you are married, and your commitment is to your partner or spouse. Put your foot down hard and walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope.

Leave the situation. It doesn't matter whether it's a job or a circle of friends. If you've tried your best to put the kibosh on this person's interest in you, and worse yet, if you return those feelings, you have to leave the situation immediately. Either request a transfer, request that the other person be transferred. Because it's endangering your marriage. Don't go moan and complain - remember, your goal is that 40th wedding anniversary, and beyond. No job, no chick or dude, no amount of ego boosting is worth destroying your chance at that.

Married? Wear your wedding ring at all times. You should never take it off no matter what,even if on your job they tell you to they can't force you to if you tell them it's against you religion(thats the law) This sends a clear signal to others (and reminds you) that you're "taken" and most people will know better than to trespass. But if they fail to heed the sign, show it to them and be sure they know it means you really are married and are not interested in flirting. At all.If they should persue you anyway that should tell you there not good to be around and all they are looking for is to break up your marriage, and they won't stay with you after anyway.

You may both see people who arouse your interest, in sexual ways. You may meet people who are attractive to you that you are tempted to just try one little kiss.

Don't fool yourself. One kiss leads to another, and before you know it, you're headed for divorce court or splitsville. You have an obligation to remove yourself from those situations when you can no longer control your - or their - responses to it. Remember 5 minutes of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of happiness especially when you can achieve the same thing with your spouse.

Watch the company you keep;

I guess this says it all really, if you surround yourself with friends who see nothing wrong with having flings. You will not only encourage suspicion, Birds of the same feather and all that, but you could begin to entertain the idea.

Don't put doubt in your spouses mind,that leads to insecured feelings and means trouble for you marriage. Remember your actions tells everything.Don't forget your spouse sees and notices if you stare at other women/men.
Don't get angry if you realize that someone else finds your spouse attractive. Take pleasure in the fact that she/he's coming home with you - not her/or him.
Remember that your behavior early on will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you set a tone of faith, trust and belief in one another, and give each other a real sense that your relationship is solid and unshakable, it will be a great comfort to you and help you through difficult times. If you prove yourself worthy of his/her trust today, in ten years when someone accuses you of something, she'll dismiss it, knowing that you would never betray her because of your history together.
On the other hand if you do things, or have done things,that you should not have done,you can't expect your spouse to trust you totally, cause you have put doubt in his/her mind and that has made him/her insecure.That means trouble in your marriage. The only way to correct that is to do everything you csn in your powers (meaning your actions) to show her that he/she can trust you.
If you have ever cheated or have commited any type of infidelity, you must find it in your heart to tell your spouse, or your marriage will end up in a divorce. It's better to take a chance and tell him/her (if he/she truely loves you, you will be able to work it out).That way if you truely love your spouse and want to spent the rest of your life with him/her you can wipe the slate clean try for a new beginning, chances are it will be better than its ever been for you and for him/her.You won't be carring that burden of your mistake anymore and your spouse will love you more for confiding in her trust enough to tell him/her about your mistake.

Warnings
Suspicion will undermine and destroy faith and trust. Avoid them. The best way to avoid them is to avoid getting into situations that create them.
Don't give into infidelity,most men/women who come onto you are unhappy and can't be faithful to one person, so they can't stand to see someone else happy and faithful.
The bottom line: Drama does not serve marriage well. Every time you stir up trouble with your spouse, you're creating a Trouble Marriage. When what's in the Trouble Marriage adds up to more than what's in the Trust and Respect Marriage, your marriage is not worth sh*t.

Do you think Roman Polanski should be punished for the sex ( rape?) with a 13 year old?

Ok so who is Roman Polanski?

Roman Raymond Polanski (born August 18, 1933) is a Polish-French film director, producer, writer, and actor. Polanski began his career in Poland, and later became a celebrated Academy Award-winning director of both art house and commercial films, making such films as Rosemary's Baby (1968), Chinatown (1974) and The Pianist(2002). Polanski is one of the world's best known contemporary film directors and is widely considered one of the greatest directors of his time. He is also known for his turbulent and controversial personal life.In 1969, his pregnant wife, Sharon Tate, was murdered by the Manson Family. In 1977, he was convicted of "unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor"; he subsequently fled the United States and is presently (since 26 September 2009) under arrest in Switzerland pending extradition proceedings.(source Wikipedia).

In 1977, Polanski was arrested in Los Angeles and pleaded guilty to "unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor", a 13-year-old girl (he was 44 years old at the time).Released after a 42-day psychiatric evaluation, Polanski fled to France, has had a U.S. arrest warrant outstanding since 1978, and an international arrest warrant since 2005. Polanski for many years avoided visits to countries that were likely to extradite him, such as the United Kingdom, and traveled mostly between France, where he resides, and Poland. As a French citizen, he was protected in France by the country's limited extradition with the U.S.On September 26, 2009, he was arrested, at the request of U.S. authorities, by Swiss police, on arrival at Zürich Airport while trying to enter Switzerland to pick up a lifetime achievement "Golden Icon Award" from the Zurich Film Festival.

These are not all the facts, but this is what I pulled from Wikipedia:

• In 1977, Polanski got the permission of Samantha Geimer’s mother to conduct a private photo shoot of the 13-year old (or was she 14?) girl.
•On March 10, despite her reservations, Geimer returned for a second photo shoot. “We did photos with me drinking champagne,” Geimer says. “Toward the end it got a little scary, and I realized he had other intentions and I knew I was not where I should be. I just didn’t quite know how to get myself out of there… I said no several times, and then, well, gave up on that.” This took place at Jack Nicholson’s home.
•Polanski was initially charged with rape via use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under 14, but put in a plea agreement for a lesser charge.
•On a tip that the judge was going to throw out the plea agreement, Polanski fled to France, where he was still a citizen. France and the U.S. do have an extradition treaty, but France will not extradite its own citizens. The U.S. could put in a request for France to try him, but they have not do so and will probably never do so.
•While Polanski admitted to unlawful conduct, psychiatric experts did not consider him a sexual predator and both the defense and prosecution believed probation would be sufficient punishment rather than jail. (Yahoo!)
•In a 2003 interview, Geimer (now Samantha Gailey) said, “Straight up, what he did to me was wrong. But I wish he would return to America so the whole ordeal can be put to rest for both of us… I’m sure if he could go back, he wouldn’t do it again. He made a terrible mistake but he’s paid for it”.
So, here are some questions:

•Is Roman Polanski likely to re-offend?
•Has Polanski already “paid his dues”?
•Since Polanski has directed several great films and the crime committed was thirty years ago, does that factor in?
•Do any of the previous questions matter? He had sex with a 13-year old.
. Many of his supporters say since the victim, now a grown up woman says she just wants it all to go away, we should drop it, but what does this show the billions of youn girls out there that will be subjected to some form of assault or the other as they grow up. (I don't know ONE friend who doesn't have a story, from something very minor to the more serious). Does this say..they will let him or her get away with it anyway, so what's the point reporting it?

I reread an extraordinary interview Polanski gave to the novelist Martin Amis in 1979, the year after Polanski went on the run.

The interview originally appeared in Tatler and is collected in Amis’s excellent book Visiting Mrs Nabokov.

Here’s a section of the first quote it contains from Polanski.

“If I had killed somebody, it wouldn’t have had so much appeal to the press, you see? But… f—ing, you see, and the young girls. Judges want to f— young girls. Juries want to f— young girls. Everyone wants to f— young girls!”Thirty years have passed since Polanski said those words, so he’s had time to reconsider them. Whether he’s actually done so, we don’t yet know. Perhaps he still thinks it’s true that everyone fancies little girls, and that the press was exaggerating the enormity of his crime, and that all this somehow excuses his behaviour.

Later in the interview, Polanski says he likes Paris, to which he’d fled, because it’s “very grown-up”.

Unlike the 13-year-old girl with whom he admitted having unlawful sex His victim, Samantha Gailey, told a grand jury that the director had plied her with champagne and drugs and taken nude pictures of her in a hot tub during a fashion shoot. Polanski then had sexual intercourse with her despite her resistance and requests to be taken home, she said.

The director originally faced charges including rape and sodomy but they were dismissed following plea bargaining and he admitted unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.

More than 100 film industry figures have now signed a petition calling for the release of Polanski, the acclaimed director of Chinatown, Rosemary's Baby and The Pianist.

They include leading Hollywood figures Martin Scorcese, Woody Allen, David Lynch, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodovar, Tilda Swinton and Monica Bellucci.

and Whoopi Goldberg is facing a fierce backlash after saying that film director Roman Polanski didn't commit "rape-rape" when he had unlawful sex with a 13-year-old girl-whatever that meansOne celebrity supporter, the actress Debra Winger, said it was a "three-decades-old case that is dead but for minor technicalities. We stand by him and await his release and his next masterpiece." Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein said Polanski was a "humanist" who had been the victim of a "miscarriage of justice". He said: "We will have to speak to our leaders, particularly in California. I'm not too shy to go and talk to the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and to ask him once and for all to look at this." However, the views of the Hollywood elite seemed out of step with those of ordinary Americans and they now face a backlash.

On the Los Angeles Times website only one in 30 comments from members of the public supported Polanski and most called for him to face justice.

Katie Buckland, executive director of the California Women's Law Center, said supporting Polanski's release "sends a message that the rich and powerful can get away with crimes that no one else can get away with."

Asked if the Los Angeles County district attorney's office, which is seeking Polanski's extradition, would bow to Hollywood pressure, its spokeswoman Jane Robison said simply: "No."

She said attempts to extradite Polanski would continue and there were no plans to meet with the Hollywood stars backing Polanski.

The French director Luc Besson refused to sign the petition calling for Polanski's release.

He said: "I have a lot of affection for him, he is a man that I like very much but nobody should be above the law. I don't know the details of this case, but I think that when you don't show up for trial, you are taking a risk."

Thank God some people can look beyond power,influence, money, favours and fame and stand up for what in my opinion is absolutely the right thing. This reminds me of a book my mum loves, the satirical 1945 novell by George Orwell,and the famous quote "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others" can you imagine any of us being caught by this (heaven forbid) and all these people saying oh it was a long time ago, besides we are so talented, everyone should really just let it go.

hmm indeed!

Message for the week; Confidence, confidence, confidence

I hope you had a smashing weekend, I certainly did, my new motto live life to the full, enjoy every minute. This doesn't necessarily mean doing crazy things but just picking myself up and going for it in general. So what about it?, There are a few surprises below. While doing my research I certainly had a few raised eyebrows.

I have picked confidence this week because it's soooo important.Everyone needs a good boost of confidence often. After all, feeling good about yourself makes everything in your life better. Confidence can take you a long way and open up a lot of doors. If you suffer from chronic low self-esteem, you will benefit from these tips on how to boost your confidence.

Positive thinking is the first step in boosting your confidence. Your mind is a very powerful thing. If you tell it something enough times, it will believe it, so if you constantly engage in negative self-talk, you can bet your mind will believe it. When you catch yourself putting yourself down, stop!!!. Switch that negative to a positive and before you know it, your mind will believe that instead.

Act as if you are confident, even when you don’t feel it. This is another way to fool your mind into believing you have confidence. Whenever you feel uncertain or shy or nervous, think of someone who always shines with confidence and act like them. You aren’t being fake or pretending; you’re simply in training.

Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. Ladies, get your hair done, dress up, even if you think there's nothing exciting happening, remember the scouts motto-Be prepared!, Besides you just know it's the one day you pick that awful top and those stained Jeans for a quick trip to the corner shop that you'll run into someone you know or wish to know. Don't let it happen, sure it's easier to let yourself go. I should know I have got two kids and believe me there are days when I have a full blown conversation with myself on whether to shave my bits or not.

Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable

Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me. Try to put someone else first everyday, deny yourself something you want. Go on try it and let me know what you think?

Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound rushed either.

Stand tall. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.

Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence

Change a small habit. Not necessarily a big one. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month.

Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?

Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.

Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Read more.

Exercise. Gosh, this is a very important one. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself. Sure my serve is still not great but this is really about the taking part
All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.
Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself, in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.

Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll

Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.

Organise your life. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the center of the storm.

Don't ask these questions early on

"So what type of guy do you usually go out with?" Now that's a pitifully weak way of trying to evaluate a woman's Interest Level in you.

When a guy asks a woman that question, what he's really asking is, "Am I your type?", which is a wimpy thing to ask. It's just as bad as asking, "Do you like me?" Would a woman ever have romantic fantasies about a guy who asks her, "Do you like me?" Maybe, but only if she's a control freak.

1. What is the weirdest place you have ever had sex?
2. Are you a virgin?
3. How much money do you make? (This is really none of your business until you get to know each other better).
4. Do you have any children? (He or She may think that you are trying to eliminate her from seeing you again because you don't date women with children).
5. How many sex partners have you had?
6. How long has it been since you had sex? (OK you get it now, don't ask anything about sex)
7. At the end of the date you ask: Do you mind if I spend the night? (This will give her the impression that you just want to use her for sex).
8. Do you do drugs?
9. Have you ever had a one-night stand?
10. How much do you weigh? (You must never ask this because single women are very sensitive about their weight).


Today's society might be more open than our forefathers but asking for the length of a guy's penis is still pretty much taboo wherever.

Sure, he used to compare sizes with his friends when he was growing up, but for a girl to ask him that can totally turn him twenty shades of red.

Most guys are sensitive about their length. This is one of the top most embarrassing questions to ask a guy so make sure you keep such thoughts to yourself. At least, until you two are more intimate.

Still on the subject of a guy's length. There are few things in this world than can embarrass men like nothing else. Unlike women who are usually more sensitive to physical attributes, men don't really put a lot of emphasis on what they look like. Until the subject of you-know-what comes up.

Circumcision is an issue that has different points of view, depending on what culture a man has. Nevertheless, this is one of the embarrassing questions not to ask a guy.

Do You Love Me?

This is especially true for men who are still not settled into their relationship. Or for young inexperienced lads who are not yet used to such straightforward questions about their affections.

It might seem odd for women (which totally supports the idea that women are from Venus and men are from Mars). Men are just not used to talking about their emotions. Although this is one question you would want to ask at some point in your life.

Even though emotions and organ size seem like two completely different things, they are issues that even the manliest man will blush at.
Ladies, don’t ask “When will I see you again?” If he hasn’t brought it up by now, chances are he won’t. At least, not for anything serious.

“Do we have a future?” This is a completely ridiculous question to ask if you’ve just started dating. It’s also a surefire way to scare someone off.

Men, never ask “Are your parents still together?” and follow it up with “Because family is very important to me.” This is just plain stupid. You aren’t dating her parents and whether her parents are married or not are no indication of her own level of happiness. Her family may include a drunk mother, a bipolar father and a sister who chooses to sleep in a coffin but that doesn’t mean she’s any less relationship worthy.
“Are your breasts real?” Guys, women would never ask, “Is your penis as small as your hands?” We may be thinking it, but we at least try not to stare at your crotch.
“Do you own a home?” Tacky! No matter what your reason for asking, it just sounds like you are trying to assess their finances. If you must know, don’t follow it up with “Where?” Show some restraint.
“Why don’t we meet at Starbuck’s?” It cold, cheap and has no privacy. What’s sexy about being surrounded by studying students, soccer moms, and loud coffee grinders? Show some class.

“How many people have you slept with?” Regardless of the number they give; you probably won’t believe them anyway. Subconsciously, you’ll judge them for being promiscuous or inexperienced. Unless you’re looking for a virgin, do past partners really matter?
“How do you feel about sex on the first date?” If you wake up in bed with them the next morning, you’ve got your answer.

“Can you drive me home?” I love when men send their friends home because they’re so sure they’ve got a shot with me, never stopping to check if I was actually interested. Even if I met you at a friend’s house, I don’t know you!

“Will you buy me a drink?” Girls, you should know better! You should never have to ask. If he hasn’t offered, “he’s just not that into you”. Or cheap. Either way, you should be out having a good time on your own dime. You earned it, girl!

“What do your parents do?” Grow up! Who cares what their parents do? This should only be your concern if you think gold-diggers have the right idea.

“What do you do?” People aren’t defined by their professions. Asking this right off the bat is an automatic turn-off since it feels like they’re being sized up. People need a couple minutes to relax before they’re comfortable enough to talk about their lives. Be creative! Ask questions about art, travel, even their favorite Saturday morning cartoons