It takes 2 to argue. If we can learn the right humble response to all the provocation, we should live peacefully.
ANGER is one letter away from DANGER. We need to take the knowledge of rising anger as a danger signal. We’re gonna get into danger if we stay in this direction and let anger run its course.
Dangers we should look out for
1) Being High Minded
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
You will not get along with others if you have an inflated opinion of yourself. If you see yourself as above them, it’ll cause you to talk down to them. It's pretty easy to spot as well.
After baring your soul to someone, telling someone how you’ve stumbled or what you’re struggling with, the last thing you want to hear are things like “I knew you would get yourself into trouble”, “I told you so”. That’s just being high minded. Respond with an attitude of humility even though you may be fuming inwardly, try to resist uttering words along the lines "what were you thinking?!!"
I know I can certainly do better in this area. Your intentions though good can actually come across as something totally opposite! Coming to someone with a self righteous and high minded attitude is hardly ever effective. Joyce Meyer has talked about how being Mr Perfecto will cause people to switch off. I can certainly concur with this, the last thing I want to hear when I have screwed up is how differently you would have done it.
You're not always right, he's not always wrong
This is one of the staples in every relationship. Talk to a bunch of couples, and you'll hear him talk about how she thinks she's always right, and her talk about how he's always wrong. And I'll grant you this much: we're usually wrong. But keep an open mind. Every now and then, we do get it right. And we'd like to win arguments some of the time-especially when we're on the right side.
Focus on the big stuff
As much as those little errors of our ways might irk you, look at the bigger picture. Is it really that big a deal? If it isn't, consider letting it slide. Guys are perfectly okay with thrashing it out about the bigger stuff, but not built to notice those tiny things like women.
You've got your feelings, he's got his ego
A good friend of mine once told me that both sexes have something that's easily bruised. Women have their feelings and men have their egos. Tread with caution when around either. Bruise a woman's feelings and she's likely to hurt. Similarly with a man's ego, it's what sustains him in this dog-eat-dog world we live in. So women, important lesson in keeping the peace: a man's ego is a risky thing to hit at.
Lose the subtlety
If you're trying to write a murder mystery, subtlety is good. If you're trying to tell a man what you want, leave the subtlety out. Traditionally, we have never done well with hints, so, oxymoronic as it may be, the direct hint is the way to go.*
When all else fails, there are some tried and tested cures. I'd suggest one of the two things. Either you focus his attention on a third party the both of you share hatred for-a good example is any cricket team other than ours-or just show him some love. Works every time.
Ok to leave peacefully it's important that individually we should have inner peace and after extensive research this is what we need to have within;
1.Do not compare yourself with others: Your life is your own. Your likes and dislikes, tastes, expectations and standards are your own. Your neighbor or your colleague need not be a benchmark for you to compare yourself or compete with. Their level of education, financial status, social status or spending pattern need not be yours. If at all you have to compare, compare yourself with those who are less privileged than you; those whose lives are more peaceful and less complicated than yours.
2.Do not aspire to make other's dreams your reality: Your father's unfulfilled dream of becoming a doctor need not be your dream. Your mother's dream of becoming a successful dancer need not be yours - unless and until, you, on your own - think the same way.
3.Have a clear-cut self-judgment about your true capabilities, strengths and limitations: You might possess excellent soccer skills within your local league. But it need not mean you are competent enough to play for the national team. Compare yourself with better players and make a sincere judgment: ‘Do I really play or am I capable of playing to that level? Do I have the physical, psychological and financial resources to make myself fit enough to come up to that level? Above all, is such a yearning worth the effort?'
Sheer positive thinking alone will not do wonders. In the scheme of nature, all are not endowed with same set of skills and resources. If you are capable of judging yourself correctly, you will be endowed with the peace of mind by not pursuing something beyond your reach.
4.Live within your means: This is time-tested age-old wisdom, which is unfortunately forgotten in today's credit card culture. What you buy using credit cards should be payable IN FULL by you when the bill arrives. If you get lured by the "Minimum Amount Due Now," it paves the way for accumulation of debt and consequently, loss of peace, sooner or later. If the object of desire can be purchased by you only through installment, DO NOT SUCCUMB to the temptation of purchase. By bringing in this self-control, you may lose short-term pleasures, but you will enjoy long-term peace.
Procurement of capital-intensive items like a flat/house should be strictly within your well-thought-out budgets, taking into account your repaying capacity under realistic situations and NOT based on your dreams of making a big fortune in your future endeavors!
5.Regularly save a percentage of your income: At any point in time, should you come across a bad patch in life like losing a job, or a loss in your business, etc., you should be in a position to pull along comfortably at least for a few months on the strength of your savings.
6.Never get addicted to anything: Be it alcohol, smoking, drugs, women, work, profession, money, fame or recognition. Moderation is the key to a peaceful life. Eat moderately. Sleep moderately. Work moderately. Have sex moderately. Do not stretch yourself beyond limits.
7.Run around less: Avoid unnecessary travel. Communicate better and more effectively through the various avenues and media so that personal face-to-face meetings by traveling long distances can be reduced. Delegate more. Remember that traveling long distances taxes your health by upsetting and altering your eating, drinking and sleeping rhythms, which in turn, affect your peace of mind.
8.Intentionally slow down: Don't hanker behind high targets and goals. Reduce your standards of expectation from others. If you are running, switch over to walking! Remember: You don't really have to prove anything about yourself to yourself! Perhaps you can be better off by extending the principle - you don't really have to prove anything about yourself to others, too, if you can!
9.Let wellness of your family take precedence over your profession: Remember: The fundamental needs of any human being is rather simple and basic: Good food, good clothing and a good shelter. Under shelter comes the family. When you have a good conjugal relationship, nice children, healthy food and the loving embrace of the beloved's hands when you are physically or mentally down, you have mostly got what is fundamentally essential for peace. Any other pursuit that goes against these and disturbs these fundamentals will only add to misery.
10.Avoid poking your nose into others' affairs unnecessarily: Extend a helping hand to others, within your capacity and limits, when help is sought from you. Do not overstretch yourself in helping others and get into trouble. Do not offer help with a mind calculating to get something in return in the future.
11.Be health-conscious, but don't make a fetish of your health: By eating in time, eating moderately, eating nutritious food and by exercising moderately, you will maintain your physical health and fitness. Do not read beyond rudimentary facts about various ailments, their symptoms and cure!
12.Live within the mortal framework generally acceptable in the society: Every new generation makes a compromise in moral standards of the previous generation and dilutes them to a lower level. Moral laxity is condusive for instant gratification and unbridled thrills but a sure ingredient for loss of peace. Sticking to moral standards set by morally sound elders of the previous generations will help you to lead a peaceful life.
13.Have faith in a Higher Power governing all: Have faith in God. People who are religious have been shown to be more peaceful
No comments:
Post a Comment