Do you think Roman Polanski should be punished for the sex ( rape?) with a 13 year old?

Ok so who is Roman Polanski?

Roman Raymond Polanski (born August 18, 1933) is a Polish-French film director, producer, writer, and actor. Polanski began his career in Poland, and later became a celebrated Academy Award-winning director of both art house and commercial films, making such films as Rosemary's Baby (1968), Chinatown (1974) and The Pianist(2002). Polanski is one of the world's best known contemporary film directors and is widely considered one of the greatest directors of his time. He is also known for his turbulent and controversial personal life.In 1969, his pregnant wife, Sharon Tate, was murdered by the Manson Family. In 1977, he was convicted of "unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor"; he subsequently fled the United States and is presently (since 26 September 2009) under arrest in Switzerland pending extradition proceedings.(source Wikipedia).

In 1977, Polanski was arrested in Los Angeles and pleaded guilty to "unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor", a 13-year-old girl (he was 44 years old at the time).Released after a 42-day psychiatric evaluation, Polanski fled to France, has had a U.S. arrest warrant outstanding since 1978, and an international arrest warrant since 2005. Polanski for many years avoided visits to countries that were likely to extradite him, such as the United Kingdom, and traveled mostly between France, where he resides, and Poland. As a French citizen, he was protected in France by the country's limited extradition with the U.S.On September 26, 2009, he was arrested, at the request of U.S. authorities, by Swiss police, on arrival at Zürich Airport while trying to enter Switzerland to pick up a lifetime achievement "Golden Icon Award" from the Zurich Film Festival.

These are not all the facts, but this is what I pulled from Wikipedia:

• In 1977, Polanski got the permission of Samantha Geimer’s mother to conduct a private photo shoot of the 13-year old (or was she 14?) girl.
•On March 10, despite her reservations, Geimer returned for a second photo shoot. “We did photos with me drinking champagne,” Geimer says. “Toward the end it got a little scary, and I realized he had other intentions and I knew I was not where I should be. I just didn’t quite know how to get myself out of there… I said no several times, and then, well, gave up on that.” This took place at Jack Nicholson’s home.
•Polanski was initially charged with rape via use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under 14, but put in a plea agreement for a lesser charge.
•On a tip that the judge was going to throw out the plea agreement, Polanski fled to France, where he was still a citizen. France and the U.S. do have an extradition treaty, but France will not extradite its own citizens. The U.S. could put in a request for France to try him, but they have not do so and will probably never do so.
•While Polanski admitted to unlawful conduct, psychiatric experts did not consider him a sexual predator and both the defense and prosecution believed probation would be sufficient punishment rather than jail. (Yahoo!)
•In a 2003 interview, Geimer (now Samantha Gailey) said, “Straight up, what he did to me was wrong. But I wish he would return to America so the whole ordeal can be put to rest for both of us… I’m sure if he could go back, he wouldn’t do it again. He made a terrible mistake but he’s paid for it”.
So, here are some questions:

•Is Roman Polanski likely to re-offend?
•Has Polanski already “paid his dues”?
•Since Polanski has directed several great films and the crime committed was thirty years ago, does that factor in?
•Do any of the previous questions matter? He had sex with a 13-year old.
. Many of his supporters say since the victim, now a grown up woman says she just wants it all to go away, we should drop it, but what does this show the billions of youn girls out there that will be subjected to some form of assault or the other as they grow up. (I don't know ONE friend who doesn't have a story, from something very minor to the more serious). Does this say..they will let him or her get away with it anyway, so what's the point reporting it?

I reread an extraordinary interview Polanski gave to the novelist Martin Amis in 1979, the year after Polanski went on the run.

The interview originally appeared in Tatler and is collected in Amis’s excellent book Visiting Mrs Nabokov.

Here’s a section of the first quote it contains from Polanski.

“If I had killed somebody, it wouldn’t have had so much appeal to the press, you see? But… f—ing, you see, and the young girls. Judges want to f— young girls. Juries want to f— young girls. Everyone wants to f— young girls!”Thirty years have passed since Polanski said those words, so he’s had time to reconsider them. Whether he’s actually done so, we don’t yet know. Perhaps he still thinks it’s true that everyone fancies little girls, and that the press was exaggerating the enormity of his crime, and that all this somehow excuses his behaviour.

Later in the interview, Polanski says he likes Paris, to which he’d fled, because it’s “very grown-up”.

Unlike the 13-year-old girl with whom he admitted having unlawful sex His victim, Samantha Gailey, told a grand jury that the director had plied her with champagne and drugs and taken nude pictures of her in a hot tub during a fashion shoot. Polanski then had sexual intercourse with her despite her resistance and requests to be taken home, she said.

The director originally faced charges including rape and sodomy but they were dismissed following plea bargaining and he admitted unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.

More than 100 film industry figures have now signed a petition calling for the release of Polanski, the acclaimed director of Chinatown, Rosemary's Baby and The Pianist.

They include leading Hollywood figures Martin Scorcese, Woody Allen, David Lynch, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodovar, Tilda Swinton and Monica Bellucci.

and Whoopi Goldberg is facing a fierce backlash after saying that film director Roman Polanski didn't commit "rape-rape" when he had unlawful sex with a 13-year-old girl-whatever that meansOne celebrity supporter, the actress Debra Winger, said it was a "three-decades-old case that is dead but for minor technicalities. We stand by him and await his release and his next masterpiece." Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein said Polanski was a "humanist" who had been the victim of a "miscarriage of justice". He said: "We will have to speak to our leaders, particularly in California. I'm not too shy to go and talk to the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and to ask him once and for all to look at this." However, the views of the Hollywood elite seemed out of step with those of ordinary Americans and they now face a backlash.

On the Los Angeles Times website only one in 30 comments from members of the public supported Polanski and most called for him to face justice.

Katie Buckland, executive director of the California Women's Law Center, said supporting Polanski's release "sends a message that the rich and powerful can get away with crimes that no one else can get away with."

Asked if the Los Angeles County district attorney's office, which is seeking Polanski's extradition, would bow to Hollywood pressure, its spokeswoman Jane Robison said simply: "No."

She said attempts to extradite Polanski would continue and there were no plans to meet with the Hollywood stars backing Polanski.

The French director Luc Besson refused to sign the petition calling for Polanski's release.

He said: "I have a lot of affection for him, he is a man that I like very much but nobody should be above the law. I don't know the details of this case, but I think that when you don't show up for trial, you are taking a risk."

Thank God some people can look beyond power,influence, money, favours and fame and stand up for what in my opinion is absolutely the right thing. This reminds me of a book my mum loves, the satirical 1945 novell by George Orwell,and the famous quote "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others" can you imagine any of us being caught by this (heaven forbid) and all these people saying oh it was a long time ago, besides we are so talented, everyone should really just let it go.

hmm indeed!

Message for the week; Confidence, confidence, confidence

I hope you had a smashing weekend, I certainly did, my new motto live life to the full, enjoy every minute. This doesn't necessarily mean doing crazy things but just picking myself up and going for it in general. So what about it?, There are a few surprises below. While doing my research I certainly had a few raised eyebrows.

I have picked confidence this week because it's soooo important.Everyone needs a good boost of confidence often. After all, feeling good about yourself makes everything in your life better. Confidence can take you a long way and open up a lot of doors. If you suffer from chronic low self-esteem, you will benefit from these tips on how to boost your confidence.

Positive thinking is the first step in boosting your confidence. Your mind is a very powerful thing. If you tell it something enough times, it will believe it, so if you constantly engage in negative self-talk, you can bet your mind will believe it. When you catch yourself putting yourself down, stop!!!. Switch that negative to a positive and before you know it, your mind will believe that instead.

Act as if you are confident, even when you don’t feel it. This is another way to fool your mind into believing you have confidence. Whenever you feel uncertain or shy or nervous, think of someone who always shines with confidence and act like them. You aren’t being fake or pretending; you’re simply in training.

Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. Ladies, get your hair done, dress up, even if you think there's nothing exciting happening, remember the scouts motto-Be prepared!, Besides you just know it's the one day you pick that awful top and those stained Jeans for a quick trip to the corner shop that you'll run into someone you know or wish to know. Don't let it happen, sure it's easier to let yourself go. I should know I have got two kids and believe me there are days when I have a full blown conversation with myself on whether to shave my bits or not.

Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable

Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me. Try to put someone else first everyday, deny yourself something you want. Go on try it and let me know what you think?

Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound rushed either.

Stand tall. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.

Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence

Change a small habit. Not necessarily a big one. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month.

Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?

Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.

Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Read more.

Exercise. Gosh, this is a very important one. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself. Sure my serve is still not great but this is really about the taking part
All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.
Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself, in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.

Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll

Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.

Organise your life. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the center of the storm.

Don't ask these questions early on

"So what type of guy do you usually go out with?" Now that's a pitifully weak way of trying to evaluate a woman's Interest Level in you.

When a guy asks a woman that question, what he's really asking is, "Am I your type?", which is a wimpy thing to ask. It's just as bad as asking, "Do you like me?" Would a woman ever have romantic fantasies about a guy who asks her, "Do you like me?" Maybe, but only if she's a control freak.

1. What is the weirdest place you have ever had sex?
2. Are you a virgin?
3. How much money do you make? (This is really none of your business until you get to know each other better).
4. Do you have any children? (He or She may think that you are trying to eliminate her from seeing you again because you don't date women with children).
5. How many sex partners have you had?
6. How long has it been since you had sex? (OK you get it now, don't ask anything about sex)
7. At the end of the date you ask: Do you mind if I spend the night? (This will give her the impression that you just want to use her for sex).
8. Do you do drugs?
9. Have you ever had a one-night stand?
10. How much do you weigh? (You must never ask this because single women are very sensitive about their weight).


Today's society might be more open than our forefathers but asking for the length of a guy's penis is still pretty much taboo wherever.

Sure, he used to compare sizes with his friends when he was growing up, but for a girl to ask him that can totally turn him twenty shades of red.

Most guys are sensitive about their length. This is one of the top most embarrassing questions to ask a guy so make sure you keep such thoughts to yourself. At least, until you two are more intimate.

Still on the subject of a guy's length. There are few things in this world than can embarrass men like nothing else. Unlike women who are usually more sensitive to physical attributes, men don't really put a lot of emphasis on what they look like. Until the subject of you-know-what comes up.

Circumcision is an issue that has different points of view, depending on what culture a man has. Nevertheless, this is one of the embarrassing questions not to ask a guy.

Do You Love Me?

This is especially true for men who are still not settled into their relationship. Or for young inexperienced lads who are not yet used to such straightforward questions about their affections.

It might seem odd for women (which totally supports the idea that women are from Venus and men are from Mars). Men are just not used to talking about their emotions. Although this is one question you would want to ask at some point in your life.

Even though emotions and organ size seem like two completely different things, they are issues that even the manliest man will blush at.
Ladies, don’t ask “When will I see you again?” If he hasn’t brought it up by now, chances are he won’t. At least, not for anything serious.

“Do we have a future?” This is a completely ridiculous question to ask if you’ve just started dating. It’s also a surefire way to scare someone off.

Men, never ask “Are your parents still together?” and follow it up with “Because family is very important to me.” This is just plain stupid. You aren’t dating her parents and whether her parents are married or not are no indication of her own level of happiness. Her family may include a drunk mother, a bipolar father and a sister who chooses to sleep in a coffin but that doesn’t mean she’s any less relationship worthy.
“Are your breasts real?” Guys, women would never ask, “Is your penis as small as your hands?” We may be thinking it, but we at least try not to stare at your crotch.
“Do you own a home?” Tacky! No matter what your reason for asking, it just sounds like you are trying to assess their finances. If you must know, don’t follow it up with “Where?” Show some restraint.
“Why don’t we meet at Starbuck’s?” It cold, cheap and has no privacy. What’s sexy about being surrounded by studying students, soccer moms, and loud coffee grinders? Show some class.

“How many people have you slept with?” Regardless of the number they give; you probably won’t believe them anyway. Subconsciously, you’ll judge them for being promiscuous or inexperienced. Unless you’re looking for a virgin, do past partners really matter?
“How do you feel about sex on the first date?” If you wake up in bed with them the next morning, you’ve got your answer.

“Can you drive me home?” I love when men send their friends home because they’re so sure they’ve got a shot with me, never stopping to check if I was actually interested. Even if I met you at a friend’s house, I don’t know you!

“Will you buy me a drink?” Girls, you should know better! You should never have to ask. If he hasn’t offered, “he’s just not that into you”. Or cheap. Either way, you should be out having a good time on your own dime. You earned it, girl!

“What do your parents do?” Grow up! Who cares what their parents do? This should only be your concern if you think gold-diggers have the right idea.

“What do you do?” People aren’t defined by their professions. Asking this right off the bat is an automatic turn-off since it feels like they’re being sized up. People need a couple minutes to relax before they’re comfortable enough to talk about their lives. Be creative! Ask questions about art, travel, even their favorite Saturday morning cartoons

Jokes of the day

My Rules
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."

He Said, She Said
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you have succeeded.

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

The Ex-Factor; How to move on after a bad relationship

One of the most important relationship skills everyone needs to know is how to move on after a bad relationship. Staying in a bad relationship prevents you from finding someone better, and worse, can be damaging to your well-being.
So what are some of the warning signs that you are in a bad relationship?
Though women (and men) often deny the many red-flags they see or rationalize the bad behavior of their partners, I think most people know deep in their gut when they are with a WOS (wASTE OF SPACE). While WOSs come in many shapes and sizes (I describe the lying-weasel, sloth-pig, bully-bear and cheating-snake varieties), they tend to all share similar features:

They disregard your needs and feelings.
They repeatedly commit the same bad offenses, even knowing that they’re hurting you.
They don’t take responsibility for their behavior, blaming you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.
I also describe varying degrees of chumpiness. Sometimes a relationship is worth salvaging if the chump wants to change their behavior and he or she actually does!Clearly if a couple has been together for many years, has children and is deeply financially intertwined, it’s not easy to walk away from the relationship, this is why it's so important to take the plunge with the right person.

Reset Your Goals

Give yourself some time to heal your heart and reestablish the goals you want in life. Put yourself back together before you consider starting a new relationship. Remember, life is not perfect. People live and people learn everyday of their lives

Learn From Your Mistakes

Women who learn from their mistakes can move forward into a new relationship. Women who tend to dwell on their mistakes will bring the same faults to their new relationships. When you bring old baggage to a new relationship, it is doomed to fail before it has a chance to begin. Learn from your breakup but don't prejudge your new relationship based on your past. Don't allow your past mistakes to rob you of any future happiness.

When you start again, remember to keep an open mind. All men have similar traits but no two men are exactly the same.

Letting go of a bad relationship is not always easy. For whatever reason, some people choose to stay in relationships that are no good for them. In many cases, even those who do end an unhealthy partnership have extreme difficulty letting go. They struggle to move past where they once were and have trouble starting over. The person who can’t let go of a bad relationship can have many thoughts running through her mind.

Boost your self esteem and Take some time off for yourself
If you’ve never been in a bad relationship, you might find it hard to understand how someone might not be able to let go. For the person in the bad relationship, it’s a matter of self worth. There is an overwhelming fear of never having anything better than what you had with your partner. The feeling stems from a low self image and often comes to create relationship problems. In many instances, people whose self worth are low have long listened to his or her partner explain that they could never have anything better than what they have now, or that no one else will ever want them like they do. Moving on can be impossible if you don't believe you deserve better. One thing always suffers in a bad relationship-you-now is the time to spoil yourself, go on you're worth it.

Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Talk about how you're feeling and allow them to comfort you and offer you advice. A break up can be a very lonely experience, therefore, surrounding yourself with others that you love and trust will help to erase some of the loneliness. Don't try to deal with the experience all by yourself. In fact, go out and meet new people, rebuild old relationships, network and immerse yourself into social situations. You should never isolate yourself in a relationship but if you had done so now is the time to find your trusted friends again.


Start dating again. I know this may raise a few eye brows but I stand by it. After you have given yourself adequate time to get over your last relationship, you should consider getting back into the dating game. Allow yourself to fall in love again and enjoy the start of a new relationship. Be very careful to not rush things and take the time to really let your partner into your life. However, take care not to transfer all the burden from the past relationship to your new one. It is one of the best ways of getting over an ex,but take the new dating process slowly. No cut to the chase stuff here, remember you don't want to repeat any mistakes from the past.

Try something new. You have a fresh start right now. All the plans that you thought you had are no longer going to happen so it's a great time to re-evaluate your life. Is there something you've always wanted to try but haven't had time for? Well, suddenly you have no plans on Saturday night so it's a good time to try something new! Take art lessons, learn to play an instrument, join a sports league, get involved with community service, start going to church, join a gym. All those self-improvement projects that you'd mean meaning to get around to? Now is the time!

How to meet someone when you are getting on a bit

Before we get started, you need to know that the person you fall in love with will bear absolutely no resemblance to the person you were planning to fall in love with. They will live an hour away from where you live, minimum. He will be wearing a shiny suit and, possibly, a brown shirt. And he’ll have the sort of baggage that requires its own baggage handler. This much you can guarantee.

Because one of the reasons you are single (and this is the only one that is strictly your fault) is that you have written off every kind of person who might conceivably cross your path. You have built a fortress out of your preconditions and you are glowering down from the battlements. Men do approach from time to time, but then they see the vats of boiling oil teetering on the ramparts and think better of it. If you are a man, you do come across women from time to time who could be good enough but they are never "quite" it.

As far as you are concerned, this fortress is a normal precaution for vetting prospectives, and so it was, initially. Then time passed, you settled into a routine and now you are king or queen of the You Won’t Get Past Me checklist.

As it happens, I met the one quite by chance as someone asking me out tried to impress by enlisting the help of an aquaintance (now the one) who could help with a very tasking career project, considering the circumstances I was pleased to meet him but I ran his details through the List database and, in 0.2 seconds, it came up with a You Cannot Be Serious rating. Of course it did! The One tall(tall guys never like me ask my friends). He lived in a dinghy squat of a place(uh-oh). I think he had a savage punk haircut, and very slim, no, make that skinny. So, at that first meeting, I summoned the List and the List gave me permission to do absolutely nothing. In fact when he asked me what my plans were in life in general I blurted out that I was going to marry my ex in about 6 months. Talk about slamming the door shut.


This List, let’s be clear, is not made up of sensible broad guidelines such as must live on same continent; it is extremely specific. Here are some edited highlights from my List, and I’m not making a word of it up:

- Must have nice clothes, make that cool clothes. (Don't ask what I was wearing)

- Must have car. (Like the pool isn’t small enough as it is, I was tired of hoping on busses with my exes though).

- Must not wear scruffy jeans and by that I mean jeans with a non uniform color or any rip-....stone washed?, no way.

- Must not wear short-sleeved shirts.
- Must not wear jewellery.
- Must not have any long fingernails (at all, close cropped without any hint preferrably)actually I make no apologies for this one. I still absolutely stand by it, his were always nicely cropped and to be honest we would have never made it if it were otherwise.

- Must have a good job, but not one that requires him to spend all hours of the day on it.
- Must not wear hoodies . Hoodies are for boys.
-Must not sing flat. (If there is a flat-singing contest my OH would win hands down).
- Should play sports and read newspapers or at the very least be conversant with the goings on in the world. I make no apologies for this either.

This List is more appropriate for an 18-year-old. Right now, and without any further ado, you need to abandon "the List", if you've got one. Come on, there is nothing on your List that is genuinely non-negotiable. So you hate goatees, get him to shave it off. So you’re allergic to three-quarter-length trousers. Tell him. Liberate yourself. Start over. Not your type? Right, and that’s been such a success for you to date.

After much deliberation, these are the only up-front non-negotiables

- Must be kind. If you have heard him be vile about anyone, seen him be cruel to animals, children or boring hostesses, then this man is not kind.

-One for the ladies, Must like women. You think this goes without saying. Of course every man you’ve ever been out with has loved women. But are you absolutely sure? Did they like it if you contradicted them in public?

- Must adore you.

- Must be smarter than you, or at least as smart. Smarter, probably, or you will keep looking for that Achilles heel.

- another for the ladies, Must have bigger feet than you. Obviously. And must be hairier. (okay I'm kind of joking here but seriously..why not?

- Must be able to make you laugh in all situations, including when you get to the airport and discover they have no passport.

- You must fancy them unconditionally.

If you cannot put a tick next to all of the above, then I would seriously consider calling it off right now.

Demands Every Man Should Ignore

Living in the 21st century means you will encounter more than a few “independent ladies” while you’re out. We're not talking about the stereotypical, garden-variety, hairy-armpit feminists here. The modern feminist can simply be a working woman who pays her own bills and doesn’t need a man in her life to be happy. Enter you, the lucky guy who is thrilled at the prospect of a non-clingy girlfriend. Not so fast. While the notion of the sexy feminist isn’t completely false, you need to be aware of thosefeminist demands that even the most independent of women is expecting you to ignore. Why don't women just tell you what they want, you ask?

"I can carry my own bag."
It stands to reason that most modern women are willing and able to take care of all the needs in their world -- money, shelter, even general household maintenance. (Plumber is under P in the yellow pages, right?) Your girl survived before you came into her life and she will likely continue to do so if you should leave it. Don’t assume that your girlfriend can't do something on her own -- do assume that she would very much like you to offer to do some of these things for
her. It won't kill you to open a few doors, carry some heavy bags or walk your woman home once in a while -- in fact, the right girl will probably inspire this in you from the get-go. It might seem old-fashioned, but it’s also, you know, polite.

"Don't objectify me!"
There was a time in the not-so-distant past when much of a woman’s importance was based simply on how she looked. You’d be hard-pressed to find anybody who’d admit to that attitude now. Independent women today want to be valued for their intelligence, their work ethic, their kindness -- oh yeah, and their looks. Things have changed, but they haven’t changed that much. Females who claim they aren’t impressed by compliments about their appearance are liars. The beauty and fashion industries would implode if this were true. Appreciate her other amazing qualities of course, but if your girl is looking good, tell her so -- simple as that.

"I'll pay my share."
Your girlfriend’s salary: £40,000 a year. Price of a fancy restaurant dinner: £80. Splitting that check two ways: £40 each. Your offering to pay the whole thing: Priceless. You shouldn’t be expected to pay for every little thing your girlfriend desires, but treating her once in a while is a pleasant change she will definitely notice and appreciate. Make sure she’s a girl who would do the same for you though -- if not, keep that cheddar to yourself

"I can think for myself!"
Chances are your woman isn’t a meek Stepford-wife type, leaving every important quandary at your feet to solve. Modern women think for themselves -- but you already knew that. While your girlfriend wants you to value her opinions, there are times when she just wants you to take the reins. Even the highest-powered executive wants to come home to a man who already thought ahead for their dinner plans without any needed input from her. Indecisiveness, like a comb-over, is never attractive.

"I won't be shackled into a marriage."
There are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, women want to get married. This doesn’t mean you need to be shopping for engagement rings three months in, but what it does mean is that as long as you’re not vehemently against marriage, most women aren’t, either. They may be fine with years of dating, but most women eventually crave the ultimate commitment -- which in most cultures still equals a ring, a dress and the Electric Slide. You may now kiss the bride.

decode her demands
Gender roles continue to evolve every day. It used to be almost heretic to suggest that a man be a stay-at-home father while his wife worked, but now it’s something people don’t even blink at. However, no matter how independent women get, there will always be that part of them that wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady, whether that means letting her take the backseat in some decision-making or complimenting her on the hot new dress she bought. Sound contradictory to you? Well, that's because it is. Women are a complete contradiction in terms and that’s one thing they’re likely never to evolve out of -- like men and leaving the toilet seat up. We all have our crosses to bear

Today's joke

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his younger cousin asked him: "How many women can a man marry?"


"16." the boy responded.


His cousin was amazed that he answered so quickly. "How do you know that?"


"Easy," the little boy said, "all you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.'"

Age gap relationships: Good or bad?

Older men dating younger women is certainly nothing new, particularly in the celebrity world.

There is 12 years between Jay-Z and Beyonce, and a staggering 25 years between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Official statistics show that generally, women in the UK marry men older than themselves, and in 2000 the average age gap was just over two years.

But it is the bigger age gaps which cause the stir.

Cassie Massey is often mistaken for Darren Smith's daughter.

She is 19, while he is a 40 year-old divorced father of two. They have been together for two years and have plans to marry.

Darren was her manager and the pair, who live in Southend, simply hit it off.

"When you just get on with someone it doesn't matter about the age gap," said Darren.

Generation gentlemen

Cassie said they have all the normal relationship worries and nothing specific to their ages.

"He is more grounded, more secure in himself," she said.

"I think he is more of a gentleman. I don't think you find many gentlemen in my generation."

"The biggest pitfall in an age gap relationship is the jealousy and insecurity that often occurs"

Paula Hall, relationship expert

Cassie said they met at a troubled time - she had quit sixth form college and Darren's father had just died - and they "saved each other".

Cassie will soon be heading off to university but they have concerns.

"It is going to be difficult because we are both quite insecure, jealous and possessive," she said. "Those are flaws we both have but we are going to have to deal with it."

The couple agree that their age difference does attract attention but they try not to react to it because it "sends the message that it is wrong".

"It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks," said Darren. "It is not their relationship."

Paula Hall is a relationship psychotherapist and she says there are pros and cons to age gap relationships
Older partners have more life experiences which the younger partner can learn from, she said, while the younger partner can bring a new outlook.

She said women mature faster and are often fascinated by the "wonderful trappings" of older men, such as a car and money.

Younger men often get kudos from dating older women, she said, whereby they are seen to satisfy all their needs.

But she warned age gap relationships often do not work in the long term."What we often see in the celebrity area is that they're short-term romances, they work for a while but then they move on," she said.

"The biggest pitfall in an age gap relationship is the jealousy and insecurity that often occurs."

She added that while we are used to seeing older men with younger women, the reverse is "still a little bit new".

'Toyboy lover'

Demi Moore's relationship with Ashton Kutcher, who is 15 years her junior, certainly made the headlines.

Closer to home, Phats & Small singer Ben Ofoedu has been dating TV and radio presenter Vanessa Feltz for two years. He is 10 years younger than her and he says the "toyboy" label undermines their relationship.


Ben Ofoedu says older women know what they want

"I don't think the age gap has caused us any particular problems," he said.

"It's not nice for Vanessa to read her 'toyboy lover'. When you say toyboy it immediately means it is not a real relationship, just a fling."

He said being with Vanessa has changed him for the better.

"I think with a woman who's a little bit older, she knows what she wants," he said.

"There is more of a direction. And men are quite simple, we just like to know we are going left, then we're going right, then left again."

Paula Hall said there has to be more to the relationship than the "number of years they have been on this planet".

"If you have lots in common, you really click, really get on, you can chat open and honestly, then to hell with age gap."

Her top tip is to talk and acknowledge the age gap. Cassie agrees.

"Don't be afraid to talk to each other about how you feel even if it might bring up the age," she said.

"Ignore everyone else and if you have found what you are looking for, then go for it because there is nothing better."

Age isn't always an issue in relationships, and many couples span the generations without any significant problems. But there's no denying that it is a factor when you're younger.

Why? Because you're less experienced at dating by default, and the strong emotions that go with it can be hard to handle. At the end of the day, you have to ask whether you might be better off learning from your mistakes with someone closer to your age.
The attraction factor
Ask yourself what draws you to this person, and be sure that age is not a factor. Sure, an older date can seem more mature and sophisticated than people your own age, but are you really going to have that much in common? It's good to have different interests, as it helps a relationship to breathe, but if it's just about having a trophy date then chances are it won't last long.
Potentially creepy factor
As well as asking what you see in someone so much older, ask what that person sees in you. What's more, why aren't they dating someone their own age?
Your friends
Chances are your mates will have an opinion about whether you should be going out with someone so much older. Your instinct might be to ignore any doubts they cast, but it's good to hear them out rather than just go with your instinct. They'll have your best interests at heart, after all, plus they're not so close to the issue as you.
Your family
If you're still living at home, and planning on dating someone old enough to be your mum or dad, then you should consult your folks. If you're living under their roof then you can't expect them to turn a blind eye to the situation. If you're keen to make the relationship work, then why not invite your date to meet them - that way they can see this person is genuine about you, and not someone who simply 'likes their bananas green'

Dating a younger man?
While relationships involving older men and younger women have existed for generations, the phenomenon of older women dating younger men is becoming increasingly popular. It has been a longstanding tradition for successful businessmen to woo much younger women but as women are becoming more and more successful in the business world, they too are beginning to enter into relationships with much younger men. Whether they view it is a sign of stature to be able to attract a much younger man or whether they simply find themselves more compatible with younger men there is an increasing trend of older women becoming involved in relationships with younger men. Although, these situations can work out quite nicely there are some factors to consider. When dating a younger man, the women should consider the maturity level of her partner, the intentions of her partner and the opinions of others.

The question of maturity is often linked to the situation where an older woman is dating a younger man. Women are usually perceived as being more mature than their male counterparts of equal age so it stands to reason that a younger man would likely be significantly less mature than the older woman. Depending on the ages involved though this may not be critical. While a man in his twenties or even thirties may still have quite a bit of maturing left to do a man in his fifties may not have this issue to deal with. For this reason, it is not only the age difference but also the current ages of the partners that factors into the equation. A twenty year age gap may not be significant in terms of maturity levels when the man is fifty and the woman is seventy but a twenty year age gap where the woman is forty and the man is twenty may cause significant problems. At these ages, it is likely that the woman is already focused on her career while the man is either still in school and possibly even unsure of his future plans. For this reason, the couple may not have enough in common to make the relationship work.

Although the intentions of your partner are important in any relationship, they are extremely important in a situation where an older woman is dating a younger man. Women, in particular are likely to be flattered by the attention of a younger man and make themselves susceptible to potential scams by unscrupulous partners. As women grow older and begin to feel as though they are losing their appeal, they may put themselves at the risk of being duped by a younger man. A woman’s nurturing instinct puts her further at risk for this type of scam because she is likely to pity a younger man who seems to be struggling to get his career or business started. One common scenario is for a younger man to enter into a relationship with an older woman and convince her to lend him money for education, his career or some other reason and then leave her. Although, this is not always the case, it is important for an older woman in a relationship with a younger man to be aware of this possibility.

It is inevitable that family will have opinions about your relationships but they are especially likely to be opinionated when there is a significant age gap between the partners. While their concerns are natural, it is important to not let them influence your decision if you have already carefully weighed the situation and feel confident that you have made the correct decision. When your family members become vocal about your relationship, it is important to listen to their opinions objectively but to trust your own judgment. They may point out something that you haven’t considered and if this happens you should do your own analysis on the situation instead of allowing them to influence your opinion.

Women who are involved in relationships with younger men face a unique set of challenges. Since it is a relatively new idea for older women to be involved with younger men, there is not a long-standing tradition regarding these relationships. Women in these types of relationships need to be cautious of their partner’s intentions and leery of his maturity levels while trying to maintain true to their own feelings.

Was Alesha Dixon any good on Strictly come dancing last night?

The importance of chemistry in every relationship. Take out some dynamics and sometimes it's just never the same or at other times it's absolutely brilliant.
What did you think of Alesha Dixon on strictly come dancing last night?

10 Most Annoying Habits of Conversation

All of us have been guilty inattention, interrupting and boring our friends. The problem is when these conversational styles become habits, and when interesting, self-respecting people don’t really want much to do with you anymore. Run these by yourself and check they don’t apply

1. Inattention; This covers a multitude of conversational sins. If you fail to listen to your interlocutors, they will know it. Sometimes we think we’ve heard an argument before, and assume we’re hearing the same one again. So we’ll cut someone off, or completely mishear their slightly different take on the same issue. Sometimes we are too busy formulating our next response, or waiting to tell a funny story that just sprang to mind, that we fail to listen. Remember, the most interesting people have become interesting because they have taken the time to hear other people. Show you are listening by nodding, giving verbal cues and focusing wholly on them. This is even more important when speaking on the phone. Some people are in the very frustrating habit of continuing a conversation with their family on the other end of the line while simultaneously attempting a phone conversation. The poor person on the end of the line is left wondering who they’re talking to, not to mention wondering if they’ve even been heard.

2.Raising your voice
Shouting is obviously wrong, but I’m talking about the far more common habit of raising the voice (even slightly) to talk over someone else. Ironically, people with the strongest voices tend to fall into this trap more readily. If you’re blessed with a strong voice, you’re likely to be listened to. Likewise if you are the owner of a deep male voice. Women, in general, must try harder in order to be heard. The unfortunate thing is, no correlation exists between those blessed with a good voice and those blessed with something interesting to say. If you’re able to boom across the room, or sound authoritative when required, good for you. Just make sure you don’t abuse your privilege by using your voice to talk over people with smaller or higher voices.


3.Interrupting, finishing sentences, hastening someone’s natural pace
Different people have different abilities to follow varying speeds of conversation. Men tend to prefer one topic at once whereas women can cope with several. Older people tend to prefer slower and more considered conversation than older people. If you become easily frustrated waiting someone to finish their thoughts just because they cannot speak as quickly, check yourself before finishing off their sentence or interrupting. Of course, if the person speaks very slowly AND holds the floor more than is fair, then is the time to butt in. But avoid cutting someone off whose opinion is not often heard. Likewise, if you feel uncomfortable with silences, realise that different people appreciate the thinking space. Don’t feel obliged to fill every silence.

4.Reverting the conversation back to you
There is a fine line between offering an appropriate amount of information about yourself and offering too much. It’s great to be proud of your family, to think your dog is cute, to enthuse about your hobbies. There are cultural differences in how much is appropriate. Americans tend to see family members as separate individuals from themselves and feel good praising their parents, siblings and partners. In East Asian countries, family members are considered an extension of oneself, so to praise them to a non-family member is boastful.


5.Name dropping
Does your conversation all too readily revert back to places you’ve holidayed in, what you do at the gym, how far you ran this morning, how many dinner parties you’ve been too lately and did you happen to run into someone who you studied with (when you get your first class honours degree at Harvard?) Do you add details which are simply boastful rather than necessary to the story at hand? Making use of your life experiences is one thing, and perfectly acceptable and interesting. Boasting is something quite different, and quite transparent.


6.Lecturing
Men and women tend to communicate differently – men are more tolerant of a ‘lecturing’ style of conversation than women, who tend to take turns in a conversation more frequently, ask more tag questions and change topics more rapidly. People in positions of power can sometimes sound as if they are giving (unwanted) advice or proselytising, which may be acceptable at work, but not in social situations. Be very wary of lecturing your interlocutors if you’re older than most people, are a boss, a teacher or a parent. To avoid lecturing your equals, ask other people’s opinions, make use of tag questions every now and again (without compromising your authority, of course) and listen fully to what others have to say before refuting what you assume they’re going to say.

7.Failing to differentiate a genuine question from a polite question
‘How are you?’ is not necessarily an invitation to rattle off your list of ailments or off-load a bad day. If someone is looking you in the eye and touching your shoulder, and you’ve just been very ill, the enquiry is probably genuine. If you’re asked by a shop assistant, it’s phatic communion.

8.Not knowing where a good yarn begins and ends
If you want to tell me about that time your kitchen caught fire, I don’t need to know what you were cooking, where you bought the ingredients, and the benefits of organic broccoli.


9.Holding the floor
If you’re too busy talking you may not realise that you are doing the lion’s share of the talking. Some people feel unheard UNLESS they have more floor time than others. Extroverts, men in a female dominated environment and people with a high need for approval are more prone to hogging airtime than other groups. Sometimes these people even stifle their own partners. Unfortunately, the most verbose isn’t necessarily the most interesting.

10.Boring others about your work, how busy you are, or ‘young people these days’
Certain topics of conversation are expected. The weather is one. We all experience the weather, and commiserating or celebrating provides a common bond. Other topics of conversation are both hackneyed and boring, and downright negative. I don’t need to know how busy you are. Being busy is not a sign of your importance, but probably a sign of your lack of time management and prioritisation skills. Moaning about politics, religion, sexuality and other sensitive issues is not wise unless you’re all in the mood for a heated debate. Even if you’re in the mood, the other people in the group may not enjoy such a heated discussion. If you find yourself beginning sentences with ‘Young people these days’ or ‘Back in the good old days’ you should know that the only sympathetic listeners are likely to be people your own age. Don’t be surprised if you find ‘Young people these days don’t listen to their elders’

The Importance of Maintaining Your Own Personal Interests within a Relationship

It is difficult yet necessary for the partners in a relationship to have their own space and interests outside of the family and the relationship. This can prevent burnout and ensure the fulfillment of both partners as well as providing a better foundation of happiness for their entire unit.
Often between work, family life, care of the partnership, and extended family obligations, one or both parents discover that they have lost touch with the things that they love to do. They start to miss the activity that gives them joy and satisfaction, that thing that they did, before the responsibility of family life interrupted, before the children came along. They start to burn out in their roles as parents and as partners and resent the other partner, particularly if they are somehow finding time to do their own thing. For these reasons it is very important that moms and dads strive to maintain a certain sense of self within their roles as family caretakers and partners. If you have slipped away from doing those things that gave you joy before the children came, there are ways to find your way back to doing the things you love.

Carving out time for each person to do their own thing can be challenging. You have to make it a priority. Not only should a partner work to ensure that they, themselves, get their own time, each partner should make it a priority to ensure that the other is covered for childcare as well. Pitch hitting for each other with the children is usually the easiest way to ensure each partner gets to do their own activity. If your activity happens to be in the house, even then the other parent should be entertaining and caring for the children so that you are uninterrupted.

If there is a scheduling clash and Dad’s golf game is on the same day as mom’s day at the spa both partners should be active in searching out the childcare solution they seek. If childcare is unavailable the ability to compromise will prevent resentment. If dad plays every Saturday and mom’s spa day is a once in a year occasion, mom has dibs on the time. The next time a clash occurs, mom might have to put aside her activity. Compromise is key.

Having friends outside the family and cultivating social relationships can also be important to the overall emotional health of a family. The expectation that your partner should be all things to you and responsible to fulfill all roles in your life is a great burden to place upon another’s shoulders and often too much for any partner to bear.

Surrounding yourself with friends outside of your immediate family gives support of a different type than what your partner can provide and can lift some of that responsibility. Partners can be the number one support of each other but it’s important that other friendships be maintained as well, for those times when the partner is absent, ill or simply unavailable. A well rounded social group consisting of other moms or dads, people who share an interest with you that your partner doesn’t, and friends who just make you laugh or bring you soup when you are sick can be invaluable to the marriage and the entire family. And they often make great babysitters!

While your children are very little you may find that you do have to let things go for a while to focus on very dependant children. It’s ok to set your interests aside for a short period to focus on the children and to create your family dynamic and focus on how you want your family to look. But as your children grow and are able to be cared for by others, as they comprehend their parents as people, they will need to see you being the authentic person you are. They need to know that parenting, while fulfilling and important to you, isn’t all you are and all you do. They need you to model the balance between family, partnership and self so that they can learn how to be good family caretakers themselves.

There are partnerships where both of the individuals have a common activity or pursuit that they continue to do together to some degree after the children arrive but this is rare. Most couples have individual interests that differ from that of their partner’s. It’s important to understand and to make the connection that a fulfilled individual will make a better partner and parent to those that depend upon them.

Keeping your own space, carving your own place in the world and fulfilling the desire to do those things that are outside of your obligations to your family, will ensure that you are a vital, vibrant member of your community and your family. Doing the same for your partner will make it doubly so. It will bring fulfillment to you as an individual and a joyful and fulfilled parent is a gift to a family.
Loss of Identity – What is It?
When you meet someone special, it's natural to want to please that person. But while compromise is necessary to a successful relationship, you should never feel like you have to give up your individuality. This will only lead to resentment down the road.

Many people fear the idea of being alone or losing someone they care about so much that they're willing to do anything they can to hang on to a relationship, even if the relationship is weak and it means losing themselves in the process. To them, any type of relationship is better than none.

Loss of identity usually starts slowly. You may act differently when you're with your partner or hide pieces of your personality you're not sure they'll like. Maybe you start to dress differently, stop watching certain TV shows, or alter your speech pattern. As time goes on, who you are is cast aside in favor of the person you think they want you to be. As you worry that they love the person you've become, not the person you are, you may start to resent your partner and the relationship you initially worked so hard to keep.
When Your Partner Wants a Change
If your partner asks you to change or act differently, don't be afraid to ask them why they want you to change. Will the change better your relationship? More importantly, do you want to make a change? Learning something new that is important to your partner, like trying a new sport or different types of food, is important. Just make sure you are also introducing your partner to things that you like to do and places you like to go. You won't lose sight of who you are by making small concessions here and there, like putting the toilet seat down or switching from Coke to Pepsi, but you should be on the lookout for requests that have you acting differently or have your friends and people you trust telling you that "you've changed" and it isn't for the best.

The Value of Maintaining Individual Interests/Hobbies
Being in a good relationship does not mean that you "complete" each other. You don't need to love to do the same activities or agree on the perfect vacation spot. You need to respect that there are things you love to do together and that you each have your own interests, too. Things bring something to the relationship that you can discuss and appreciate about your partner.

Conclusion
You should never lose who you are in a relationship. In fact, a healthy partnership should add to your identity, bringing out sides of your personality that you never knew you had, and introduce you to things you never knew you would like.

Be yourself. Expect your partner to love you for who you are and be prepared to love them back.

Get over an argument quicker

Does this sound familiar to you? You get in an argument with your significant other, they yell, you sulk (or vice versa), you go to bed angry, wake up and keep going at it? Every single time you argue, most times?, well...

How many of us can usually predict what will start a fight, who is quick to throw a jab below the belt, how long the fight will last, and who is usually the one to break down and say, “Honey, let’s not fight anymore” to keep the peace?

A lot of us (I’m including myself as well) fall into these “argument ruts” where we are so, well,.... predictable. For example, I know if my husband and I get into an argument, I have a tendency to raise my voice. Not yell, but talk louder. As a result, he tunes me out. Which gets me even more angry, so I talk louder. (Okay, now I’m yelling.)

Even though I know this, we continue the same cycle. What would happen if I made a conscious effort to keep my voice level? What if, instead of tuning me out, my husband simply asked me to keep it down? What if we changed our learned behaviors, just once, to see what would result? actually you may have to try more than once as I found out, habits are pretty dificult to change.

Try it. Next time you have a disagreement, do the opposite of what you normally do. Loud and argumentative? Take a deep breath and count to 10 before speaking to keep your angry tongue in check. (Feel free to curse in your head, though, loudly if it helps) Usually playing peacekeeper? Take your position firmly and see what happens. If nothing else, your significant other will be thrown off by the sudden change in personality.
Please note you may have to try this method more than once to achieve desired results
Have you ever tinkered with your usual behavior to see different results during an argument? How did it work?
After the rochus is over if you are anything like me, yo just want to get over it and move on. Do the following to speed up the process;

1. Apologise; Swallow your pride, if you are the guilty party.
2. Talk about it; When you've both calmed down try to talk rationally about the issue
3. Admit you got it wrong.
4. Laugh about it; if possible try to see the fun of it.
5. Fix what you can.
6. Let the little stuff go
7. Make the peace, do this with flowers, gifts, a nice meal, whatever you know your partner likes.

Should you Google your date?

You're bored, you're sitting in front of a computer and you have a first date in the next few days. Should you Google? It'll only take a minute. What harm can it do?

There are lots of reasons why you would. Leaving aside the force of raw curiosity, you might actually uncover something you urgently need to know. Like the woman in New York in 2004 who Googled her date and found an FBI warrant for his arrest. He'd been on the run for a year after allegedly stealing around $100,000. She didn't turn up for dinner that Friday; the Feds agreed to stand in.

On many levels, date Googling ("doogling"?) has become socially acceptable, despite the fact that this information could once only have come from a private detective. Zara Percy, director of reassuringly offline dating agency The County Register and all-round romance expert, says: "I think the majority of people will do it if they know the person's surname. It's hard to resist, and it doesn't make you a bunny boiler." But, she adds: "It may put you in a difficult situation where you know something you shouldn't and then have to feign ignorance when it is mentioned."

The trouble is that the one situation where it's not comfortable to discuss your findings is on the date itself. If you've already discovered that he or she once won a Bafta, or spent three years learning throat-singing in Mongolia, you will find yourself steering conversation in that direction. Things become stilted; the spirit of mutual discovery isn't quite what it ought to be. Not only that, you run the risk of forgetting what you've been told and what you're not meant to know yet. You ask him how his pet bunny is and he peers at you oddly.

Whatever we decide, there is still a big chance that our date has Googled us: a recent survey in the US put the "doogling" figure at 43% and it's hard to imagine it's less in the UK. This means Googling ourselves is no longer the province of the merely vain, but a virtual mirror that we should perhaps start checking.

Exasperatingly, it's often odd material that rises to the top of the web and threatens to define us: an online petition we signed aeons ago, an old essay for the student paper, a comment we left on a website then forgot about. Hardly anything to do with who we really are, then. It's not as if there is a one-stop shop with a comprehensive gallery of images and videos and a list of all our friends.

I think the answer should be yes, we should know all we can know but be clever about it, don't go divulging information which clearly shows you have been snooping.

Make your relationship last

If there is one area in our lives where most of us struggle, it’s relationships. That’s the bad news. The good news is that they can be improved. It takes hard work, but anybody who says, “If you have to work at it, it’s not worth it”, is probably in denial or an unreconstructed romantic in search of Miss or Mr Right — who, guess what, they never succeed in finding.

1 Don’t blame somebody else for the way that we feel

We have to take responsibility for our own emotions, rather than handing them over to our intimate other. And we should not confuse their emotions with our own. Say our other half comes home and yells at us about something inconsequential because they’re stressed at work. Our first response is to take it personally and feel aggrieved. Better to take a step back and look at what’s really bothering them. A little empathy, a simple question — “Are you okay?” — can defuse a potential row in a way that hostility met by hostility never can.

2 Don’t to try to change the other person

In trying to change someone, we’re playing the “if only” game, as in, “if only you were tidier/more sociable/less complaining/more generous, our relationship would be fabulous”. We cannot change other people. All we can change is our own responses and behaviour. That doesn’t make us total wimps, nor does it mean we can’t ask for what we want or need. We can, but as adults, not as children. Adults explain, children complain, which takes us straight to rule No 3.

3 Don’t use the word ‘you’, replace it with the word ‘I’

Take charge of your own feelings, as in, “I feel this when you do that”, rather than, “You did this and made me feel that way”. Say your husband (or wife; bad behaviour is gender-free) never helps out around the house. We can explain that we’d like it if they helped more, or we can complain that they never help, which takes us to rule No 4.

4 Ban the words ‘never’ and ‘always’

They are almost always accusatory, as in, “you never empty the dishwasher” or “you always forget my birthday”. Add a jabbing finger and you have almost definitely moved into blame territory. Along with blame comes criticism and its bitchy close relation, contempt — both are poisonous to a relationship. If there are sticking points that can’t seem to get resolved, appeal to somebody’s good nature — “I wish you’d remember my birthday, it really upsets me when you don’t” is far more likely to result in ribbons and roses than snide comments about selective memory, just as contemptuous remarks about how remarkable it is that dishwashers load themselves are far more likely to mean you end up with a sink full of dirty plates

5 Don’t be defensive

It’s simply another form of blame, as in “it’s not my fault” (it’s yours). Trying to see another person’s point of view is not stepping down, it’s stepping forward. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It takes generosity to put ourselves in another’s shoes, and if relationships thrive on any single gesture, it is to take our personal feelings out of the situation and show generosity.

6 Don’t sulk or stonewall

Men are particularly good at this; usually on the pretext they are “just keeping their head down”. Silence can be a form of punishment (as hostile in its own way as noisy anger) and refusing to engage makes conciliation impossible

7 Don’t keep a battle going

Learn to accept an apology as well as to apologise, not necessarily for the action (sometimes we are right to be angry), but for the situation: “I’m sorry we had such a silly quarrel”.

8 Don’t make assumptions about other people’s behaviour

How can we learn not to do this? By stopping and asking ourselves a few simple questions: “How do I know if that’s really true? Am I overdramatising this?” We might, for example, assume somebody is late because they don’t care, whereas the truth is that they can be late for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with us. Other forms of mind-reading include expecting other people to fulfil our wants and needs without stating them clearly (“he/she should know”) and are based on yet another assumption: “If he/she loved me, he/she would know.” Nobody, however intimate, is clairvoyant.

9 Don’t be controlling

Your other half might be rubbish at cooking, but constant interference is not going to make them any better. People are imperfect, even the ones we love, and control is a form of game-playing. If you set somebody up, they will almost always fail. One game couples like to play is withholding affection or sex, but the real casualty, often fatally wounded, is the relationship, as both people draw further apart. Another form of game-playing is victim. “I was only trying to help” is a subtle, manipulative form of control.

10 Have good manners

Not in the sense of frigid politeness (which can be as riddled with contempt as outright insults), but as in treating your other half as you would your closest friends: with respect, affection and tolerance. If there’s one thing that has always struck me about those friends with a good marriage, it is that they are unfailingly considerate of each other. If you can do all that, you’re a better creature than I am, but what I can truly say is that I try. Where there’s a will or, to paraphrase, a willingness, there’s almost always a way.

Guys!!! 10 Signs she's definitely interested in you

How do you know if a woman is interested in you? Sometimes men confuse friendliness with flirting and think that just because a woman smiles at you that she wants to go on a date with you. Women have to be so careful sometimes not to lead men on because they end up making too much out of a woman's friendly overture or casual conversation. But when a woman is genuinely attracted to you, here are the signs shes interested:
If a woman is attracted to you she will:

Smile at you a lot She won't be distracted or act annoyed. She will act happy to talk to you.
Talk to you She won't walk away. She'll stay and chat to get to know you.
Look directly at you

She won't keep looking past you as though she's checking the place out for other guys. She will focus on you and look you in the eyes.

Laugh while she's talking to you

If you tell a joke she'll laugh. Or she'll just laugh in general.

Ask you questions about yourself She will want to know about you and will ask you what you do for a living, where you live, about your family, your interests. She's trying to gauge your status and whether you might be compatible with her.
Touch your arm or hand If she really digs you, she will lightly touch you somehow in the course of the conversation, maybe to emphasize a point.
Lean toward you Her body will be talking too. She'll also point her legs toward you and will not cross her arms.
Make a reference to the future If she says something like, "We should do that sometime," or "Maybe I'll see you there," she's definitely decided she likes you.

Give you a compliment If she says something complimentary, like about what you're wearing or something you just revealed about yourself, you're in the money with her.
Give you her card, email address or phone number This is a no-brainer and one of the strongest signs she's interested. If she gives you her digits it's the clearest possible signal.
The signs she's interested in you are clear. If she does none of these things, you can safely move on without wondering, "Did she like me?" And don't waste time wondering why she didn't because it doesn't matter. Everyone has different tastes and likes and dislikes and it's foolish to try to figure out why someone wasn't interested.

Tips on how to get back the honeymoon period

1. Socialise as a couple Why would you need to go out in the evenings when you have your man, a bottle of wine and the boxed set of The Wire on tap every night? While it's good to have down time alone together, seeing one another interacting with other friends will help you to see each other in a new light and act as a reminder why you fell for each other in the first place

2.Socialise separately When you're in a long-term relationship it can be easy to lose your sense of self. He fell in love with a single, independent fun-loving chick. So remind yourself and him just who that girl is. Organise one night each week when you both see friends or pursue an interest of your own.

3. Take a trip down memory lane When you first get together with someone your body is flooded with "love" chemicals that leave you feeling high as a kite. To help rekindle that feeling, take yourself back to the time when your love was all-consuming by looking through your old holiday snaps or revisiting the venue of your first date.

4. Turn off the TV In the early days, you couldn't get beyond the opening credits of a film without finding yourselves in the throws of passion on the sofa. Sadly, as time wears on the ratio of snogging to staring at the small screen tends to do an about turn. Tonight, make a pact to switch it off and spend the evening focusing on each other whether it's talking, making love or even playing a game of scrabble.

5. Go on a date Do you remember those first few precious dates together? Not being able to concentrate on your work all afternoon in anticipation of what's in store; the butterflies in your stomach as you're getting ready and choosing what killer outfit to wear; him planning which restaurant or bar to impress you with? When was the last time you went to that much trouble to make a night out together, special? Exactly!

6. Cook together They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and it's a pretty good way to a woman's, too. Switch on the kitchen radio, pour yourselves a glass of wine and set to work cooking up a feast together. Take the trouble to eat at the table, dim the lights and put on some music you both love or that's special to you. You'll be wanting each other for dessert by the end of the evening.

7. Get a haircut At the start of a relationship, you can wow him with a new look every time you go out - hair up/hair down, heels/flats, rock-chick/glamourpuss... Now, of course, his love goes much deeper than your heels and hairdo but surprising him with an amazing new look is a great way to blow his socks off and remind him how lucky he is.

8. Have an early night… tonightWhen you first get together with someone, it's hard to keep your hands off one another. But when you're both holding down busy jobs it doesn't take long for sex to become a weekend-only pursuit. Rekindle that feeling of midweek excitement by sending him an email with a "subtle" teasing suggestion of what you have in store for him later. We guarantee he'll be taking an early mark tonight.

9. Take a day off work together Weekends are great but there's something decadent and exciting about letting your hair down when all around you are chained to their desks. Book a day off and take a train to somewhere beautiful neither of you have ever been before. Get holed up in a cosy pub and enjoy getting slowly sozzled/go walking in the country/go white-water rafting. Whatever floats your boat.

10. Take up a fun activity together; This can work wonders and re-energise your relationship. The combination of fresh air, exhilarating exercise and great scenery will have your bodies flooded with endorphins, the "happy" chemicals that are associated with the wonderful feeling of falling madly in love.

15 Signs He is NOT so into you

Wake up and smell the coffee ladies!!
1. He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out.If a man is excited about a woman, he can’t stop himself— he wants more. If he’s attracted to her, he’s wants to take it further. If he’s not making a move, it’s not because he is ‘scared’ or 'shy'. The only thing he is scared of is how not attracted to you he is.

2. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you. He says he didn’t have a minute in his busy day to call. Nonsense! The real reason is that you are not on his mind. If a man leads you to expect he will call and then doesn’t follow through on such a little thing, he will never follow through on big things. Be aware he is okay with the idea he is disappointing you.

3. He communicates via TEXT and email. By doing so, he avoids the “getting to know you” conversations. He really isn’t interested in moving things forward. He wants the down and dirty. When can he see you? If you have already had sex, his TEXT is to set up his next booty call. He usually steers the conversation towards telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to see you again. DUH!

4. He warns you that he isn’t relationship material. Men usually say what they mean. He is telling you that he is not relationship material-at least with you-believe him! You might be the exception to the rule, but more than likely, you are not. He is probably going to have sex with you and dump you when things get too complicated (you want more from him).

5. He puts little planning into your date. He tells you that he wants to hang out and watch a movie or something. “Something” means having sex in case you haven’t figured that out by now. If you always go to the restaurant, because it is his favorite, he isn’t trying to please you. More than likely, he goes to different restaurants with different women. A guy that is really into you will plan a date. Even if the date doesn’t cost him a dime, he will plan.

6. He makes lots of empty promises. He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action. He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon, but he doesn’t plan a date! Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but deliver…nothing! He really isn’t that into you. Think about this. If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.

7. He makes last minute plans to see you. You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize that that he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would be readily available at his beckon call. Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.

8. He avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations! He really doesn’t want to get to know you better. He wants to know what he needs to know to get you into bed. If he really wants to get to know you better, he is asking questions about you, your life and what you want. If not, he is looking for the easiest, quickest booty call. He will flatter you! He will tell you how amazing you are! But he doesn’t really know anything about you. If you fall for this, don’t expect a call anytime soon. He will call you again when he is horny.

9. He is pushy about getting physical. He tries to move things forward beyond the “make out” session with minimal clothing. If you resist, he makes you feel bad that you aren’t that into him. He says that he just wants to cuddle, but he is really trying to get more. (Just so you know, most men don’t really like cuddling. They do it because it gets them sex!) He is kissing and holding you, but in the process trying to take your blouse and pants off, wants sex. If he gets upset or offended when you put the kibosh on moving forward, he isn’t that into you. If someone really likes you, he is willing to wait until you are ready to move things forward.

10. You initiate and he doesn't follow through. If you're really into a guy and you think he may be shy, try initiating a conversation, phone call or texting session. If you start the conversation, he'll want to continue it. However, if he doesn't return your calls or texts or tries to end the conversation quickly, he may not be into you.

11. His actions don't match his words. If he says he'll call you and then you don't hear from him or if you suggest meeting up and he is "too busy," he probably isn't interested.

12. If you have been dating for a month or more and have never met his friends, he isn’t that into you. When men think they have found a great catch, he want to show her off. If you don’t get an invitation to meet his friends, you aren’t that girl. He wants to see you alone but not integrate you into his life, this is not a good sign. If a man is really into you, he wants all his friends to see the woman he is dating. If this doesn’t happen, you are not the woman he wants to be with long term.

13. He says he just wants to be friends. He means it. If you offer up sex as part of the package, he is willing to be friends with benefits. He isn’t stupid if you are! If you offer to satisfy him sexually, why not. If you think being friends with benefits will lead to more, it won’t. He isn’t into you in almost every case. When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.

14. He's not that into you if he's still hooking up with other women. Or you even catch him at it, he’s not ready to settle down with you. Even if he still maintains inappropriate contact with exes or even other women friends he’s not ready to invest time in you or ready to have any kind of future. He’s just not worth the time if he’s out looking for someone else. Save yourself the heartache and move on. You’ll find someone who will be so thankful for you.

15. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you. Every man you have dated who says he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has ‘issues’ with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will not be to you.

Conversation on a date

To take the pressure off the date and to guarantee that the chat flows freely, you can prepare a loose plan of what you'd like to talk about. You'll probably find that you don't need it, but as any tightrope walker will admit, the experience is a lot more comfortable with a safety net.
So prepare yourself a conversational beginning, middle and an end:
You could ask questions about the menu, food or wine they enjoy, your journey there, their work, whether they enjoy it.
What shall we have to drink? Do you fancy wine with the meal? Let's check out the menu! Is there anything on the menu you haven't tried but have been curious about?Where do you live? Did it take long to get here? What sort of work do you do? Do you enjoy it?
You could ask questions about hobbies, travel or anything they've mentioned previously that could be expanded on:
Do you have any hobbies? Have you travelled much? Where have you been? Are you going away this year? What country would you most like to go to and why?
You could also throw in an offbeat question to lighten the mood, something like: "If you could cook for any three people from history, who would they be?". If this peps up the conversation, you could also ask: "What would you cook for them?".
At this point things will be coming to a climax, so if a second date has not been secured or has not come up, a good question to ask is:
What was the last film you saw? Anything on at the moment you would like to see? (and it doesn't matter if you've already seen it, simply say: "Oh I'd love to see that") And if they're interested they should say something along the lines of: "Well I am thinking of going to see it next week you are more than welcome to join me."
Don't worry too much about having to see the film again. The fact is you have secured a second date and when next week comes you can always say "I'm not in a cinema mood. Do you fancy going for a drink instead?"
Five tips for success
Have a few questions and conversation topics prepared in advance.
Listen to your date with genuine interest.
Ask questions - talk about the food you're eating, share the conversation.
Be positive and remember you're selling yourself on the first date.
And finally, you've worked hard to get this date so think happy and enjoy yourself!