10 Most Annoying Habits of Conversation

All of us have been guilty inattention, interrupting and boring our friends. The problem is when these conversational styles become habits, and when interesting, self-respecting people don’t really want much to do with you anymore. Run these by yourself and check they don’t apply

1. Inattention; This covers a multitude of conversational sins. If you fail to listen to your interlocutors, they will know it. Sometimes we think we’ve heard an argument before, and assume we’re hearing the same one again. So we’ll cut someone off, or completely mishear their slightly different take on the same issue. Sometimes we are too busy formulating our next response, or waiting to tell a funny story that just sprang to mind, that we fail to listen. Remember, the most interesting people have become interesting because they have taken the time to hear other people. Show you are listening by nodding, giving verbal cues and focusing wholly on them. This is even more important when speaking on the phone. Some people are in the very frustrating habit of continuing a conversation with their family on the other end of the line while simultaneously attempting a phone conversation. The poor person on the end of the line is left wondering who they’re talking to, not to mention wondering if they’ve even been heard.

2.Raising your voice
Shouting is obviously wrong, but I’m talking about the far more common habit of raising the voice (even slightly) to talk over someone else. Ironically, people with the strongest voices tend to fall into this trap more readily. If you’re blessed with a strong voice, you’re likely to be listened to. Likewise if you are the owner of a deep male voice. Women, in general, must try harder in order to be heard. The unfortunate thing is, no correlation exists between those blessed with a good voice and those blessed with something interesting to say. If you’re able to boom across the room, or sound authoritative when required, good for you. Just make sure you don’t abuse your privilege by using your voice to talk over people with smaller or higher voices.


3.Interrupting, finishing sentences, hastening someone’s natural pace
Different people have different abilities to follow varying speeds of conversation. Men tend to prefer one topic at once whereas women can cope with several. Older people tend to prefer slower and more considered conversation than older people. If you become easily frustrated waiting someone to finish their thoughts just because they cannot speak as quickly, check yourself before finishing off their sentence or interrupting. Of course, if the person speaks very slowly AND holds the floor more than is fair, then is the time to butt in. But avoid cutting someone off whose opinion is not often heard. Likewise, if you feel uncomfortable with silences, realise that different people appreciate the thinking space. Don’t feel obliged to fill every silence.

4.Reverting the conversation back to you
There is a fine line between offering an appropriate amount of information about yourself and offering too much. It’s great to be proud of your family, to think your dog is cute, to enthuse about your hobbies. There are cultural differences in how much is appropriate. Americans tend to see family members as separate individuals from themselves and feel good praising their parents, siblings and partners. In East Asian countries, family members are considered an extension of oneself, so to praise them to a non-family member is boastful.


5.Name dropping
Does your conversation all too readily revert back to places you’ve holidayed in, what you do at the gym, how far you ran this morning, how many dinner parties you’ve been too lately and did you happen to run into someone who you studied with (when you get your first class honours degree at Harvard?) Do you add details which are simply boastful rather than necessary to the story at hand? Making use of your life experiences is one thing, and perfectly acceptable and interesting. Boasting is something quite different, and quite transparent.


6.Lecturing
Men and women tend to communicate differently – men are more tolerant of a ‘lecturing’ style of conversation than women, who tend to take turns in a conversation more frequently, ask more tag questions and change topics more rapidly. People in positions of power can sometimes sound as if they are giving (unwanted) advice or proselytising, which may be acceptable at work, but not in social situations. Be very wary of lecturing your interlocutors if you’re older than most people, are a boss, a teacher or a parent. To avoid lecturing your equals, ask other people’s opinions, make use of tag questions every now and again (without compromising your authority, of course) and listen fully to what others have to say before refuting what you assume they’re going to say.

7.Failing to differentiate a genuine question from a polite question
‘How are you?’ is not necessarily an invitation to rattle off your list of ailments or off-load a bad day. If someone is looking you in the eye and touching your shoulder, and you’ve just been very ill, the enquiry is probably genuine. If you’re asked by a shop assistant, it’s phatic communion.

8.Not knowing where a good yarn begins and ends
If you want to tell me about that time your kitchen caught fire, I don’t need to know what you were cooking, where you bought the ingredients, and the benefits of organic broccoli.


9.Holding the floor
If you’re too busy talking you may not realise that you are doing the lion’s share of the talking. Some people feel unheard UNLESS they have more floor time than others. Extroverts, men in a female dominated environment and people with a high need for approval are more prone to hogging airtime than other groups. Sometimes these people even stifle their own partners. Unfortunately, the most verbose isn’t necessarily the most interesting.

10.Boring others about your work, how busy you are, or ‘young people these days’
Certain topics of conversation are expected. The weather is one. We all experience the weather, and commiserating or celebrating provides a common bond. Other topics of conversation are both hackneyed and boring, and downright negative. I don’t need to know how busy you are. Being busy is not a sign of your importance, but probably a sign of your lack of time management and prioritisation skills. Moaning about politics, religion, sexuality and other sensitive issues is not wise unless you’re all in the mood for a heated debate. Even if you’re in the mood, the other people in the group may not enjoy such a heated discussion. If you find yourself beginning sentences with ‘Young people these days’ or ‘Back in the good old days’ you should know that the only sympathetic listeners are likely to be people your own age. Don’t be surprised if you find ‘Young people these days don’t listen to their elders’